Anxious about tomorrow - Al-Anon Family Group

Country Boy · Veteran Member

Anxious about tomorrow

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

CB Hugs,

If you have a sponsor, .. it would really be a good opportunity to talk through some of this with them. If you don't have a sponsor now would really really be a good time to get one.

Hugs P :)

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear Country Boy

Thank you for sharing your heart. Trust HP and take the action and let go of the result.

I know that placing principles above personalities (mine mostly) works every time

Please know you are not alone.

glad lee · ~*Service Worker*~

I held a childhood religious belief that kept me in my marriage because I believed it was a "sin" to get out since I had made a vow that I would stay in it for life. As an adult, I went to talk to religious clergy, who told me that God doesn't expect me to suffer. THAT tooks me years to process too, haha, all the mixed messages.

I was told to begin recovery just as you are doing, with constant prayer. I also began to practice meditation to improve conscious contact with Higher power because it's all between me and Higher power anyway. Al-anon suggests being in active recovery for 6 months (I believe) before making any life-changing decisions. That time was sooooo necessary for me to just focus on building a trusting relationship with Higher power.

There is no hurry, when you don't know what to do... wait. It was important for me to believe that God was going to "care" for me if I was going to turn my will and my life over, and that took TIME. Things turn out BEST for me when I stay in God's timing, not about me forcing solutions with hurried decisions.

Keep coming back, my friend, it will get better, you are going to be okay ((hugs))

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

"God's timing" "not forcing solutions with hurried decisions" good suggestions.

It does take some time to develop a relationship with the HP of your understanding. It is well worth the effort. I, too, have found meditation to be the avenue for such development. Also, just getting out and doing what I love, which quiets my mind, helps to connect with HP and "hear" the guidance.

Hoping you will find peaceful moments, days soon.

likemyheart · ~*Service Worker*~

My sick mr ex has chosen to live in squalor in a parking lot in a travel trailer - he has continuous woes, at every turn it is "woe is me" from him. He has heart problems that will necessitate open heart surgery some day, doesn't eat healthy if at all, smokes like a fiend, and well, drinks of course. According to him, his living situation is all my fault because I abandoned him. At this point I can only shake my head at his woes because he brought them on himself. We've been divorced 9 months, separated over 21 months and its still somehow in his mind, my fault he lives the way he does - because I didn't really love him. I didn't abandon him, I let him go. I came to the realization that hanging onto him was not doing any good, and making me as sick as he was, worse maybe because I KNEW I didn't want to live that way.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

And it won't be anything like you expect. I sure learned that.

Have you read Getting Them Sober, Toby Rice Drew, volume one? I encourage you to. It would make you feel so much better.

It really is good that they have consequences for their behavior. remember they do not feel as we do, nor will she take it as you might. We tend to forget that they are basically insane with the disease.

She needs to fall on her face enough to realize she does not want to live like she is anymore. When we give them a soft place to land, we are helping the disease, helping it to be comfy and inviting it to stay.

She has years of recovery before she may be ready to be responsible etc.

I hope you will think of you. You are the one who is truly hurting and need to get well. It takes so much courage to do what you have a goal to.

You will find how calm you feel, no walking on eggshells,no more questioning their lies. On the other hand we grieve the person we love who the disease is killing.

yes she is sick, however addiction is one they have to do alone. She has to want to. It's none of our business.

please let us know how you are! Remember to depend on your higher power.

Also there does not have to be any argument or yelling or anything. we use you might be right a lot,

to not get into an argument it is this simple. I choose not to live like this anymore. her: blah blah but if, well you blah blah. YOU: I choose not to live like this anymore. Keep repeating your stand. she will get tired of it and stop.

You are not alone. we do care. we are here checking back to support your decisions.

love,debilyn

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Boy...reading your post and the responses gives the awareness that you're not alone with your program. We will only support that which changes things for the better with the guidance and support of a power greater than ourselves. Often times the entire gammut of infidelity also includes lying, cheating and stealing and that is what I was in a relationship with. The infidelity was "the deal breaker" and one of the reasons was that our relationship included others who were not committed to the lasting of it and only committedto what they could get out of it in spite of the consequences to myself and the family. I don't go on after the deal breaker. Take the steps with others and slowly. Trust your HP and sponsor and keep and open mind. Look at the similarities between your story and others and their experiences at coming clear of it.

(((((hugs))))) smile

Country Boy · Veteran Member

After much reflection, conversations with my sponsor, & support here I am am able to see I need to slow it down. My first reaction was to change the locks on the doors & say so long! But now I can wait for it to be the right decision, to open my mind & my heart & allow it to happen instead of MAKING it fit.
I was thinking about a previous time when we were having troubles before alanon. I was emotionally out of control, it preoccupied my every thought & action. How much better I am today! I can recognize these bad things & change them if I am able or let them go. It is the beginning of my journey & I know this is the right path. Very reassuring. Thank you all.
Country Boy

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Take your time with this one. I divorced my AH almost 10 months ago and was seperated for a year before that, I just needed to be sure since we were back and forth so many times. With Al-anon I now can take things one day at a time instead of fixate on a lifetime of misery, because of my A's. Keep working your program it sounds like you are doing the best you can. Sending you love and support!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.