I guess today... - Al-Anon Family Group

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I guess today...

Temple · ~*Service Worker*~

Debilyn,
You are just precious. As are your animals. So many of them are white--I think they are little angels, just like their Mama.
I have a little bit of happy today. If I could break off a piece of it and give it to you, I'd be so very pleased to share.
I always rush to read your posts. You're such a beautiful writer and you have wonderful experience and wisdom to share.
I'd love to see you write and publish a book. I have a friend who is getting into online publishing, and when she gets it
together better, I could put you in touch.
I'd rather have a book, with pictures, that I could hold in my hand, however.
You have a great heart and so many skills.
I'm glad you posted. I hope you get a lot of feedback and that it lifts your spirits.
Sometimes we just need to grieve.
My friend told me if you are ever about to cry and don't want to, look up and you can't. She said it really works. I haven't
gotten to test it out yet.
Up there on your mountain, with your furry angels, there's no reason not to cry if you need to.
God Bless,
Temple

alexmaui · Veteran Member

Debilyn when I saw it was your post I opened and read it. I have read some wise things that you have written. I know the pain and God Bless Al-Anon for helping.
But the pain still has to be borne. You just wrote something I loved

Its something we all face, this old age. Feeling all the pain and happy we have inside. Body changing in ways no one tells ya about. Not good either. What then? I have had everything I wanted, dreamed for, everything I needed. Lost more than most, had more than most. But now what?

Wow....that says it all. We're exactly the same age and going through exactly the same thing...substitute cats for dogs. My AH lives in my beautiful home and I rented a place to live. He says he still doesn't understand why I left....and I hope I can outlive him.

Actually, this week I joined up for online dating. Like you I have 2 longtime married friends. We used to all get together until the disease made it impossible. They never leave me alone for any big holiday, though.

Still, it's Sunday and like Karen Carpenter NEVER said "Rainy days and Sundays always get me down."

Stay strong -its amazing how many sisters you have out here.

Thanks for sharing

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

Beautiful animals. I hope you are feeling better very soon!

BuzzBuzz · Member

Am I allowed to be jealous of your mountainous living? Because I am! (In a good way of course!) Your post was raw and about as honest as one could get. I really just want to bow down to ya, being a newbie and all. But it reminds me that life just is, all the ups and downs, we can only control ourselves and take care of our animals. (oh my god, they are so cute!)

I'm sending you a big hug from across the pond!

Dolly Llama · Senior Member

I love the white rat...he has such a sweet expression.

Thanks for sharing, Debilyn.

Jill · ~*Service Worker*~

Debilyn you know I love you and your openness. What you said about planning a trip to Africa is so good - you're open to adventure and blessings in whatever form they come. You're inspiring. I hope today is easier, tomorrow easier yet, etc.
Jill

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Jill well I tell ya, I really want to go to Africa. We have a belief there will be a new heaven and a new earth. Sooo if I get to be here on the new earth...Africa watch out.

lol though now I seriously want to just go and hold babies and kids and reassure people. Help however I can. sigh

thank you for your words!

Dolly Llama, lol yea Ratface2. no names ever came to me. lol so we have Ratface and Ratface2. rescued from a feed store. both were pets before, both were in bad shape. Now they fill out their shapes and are so dang spoiled. thank you for liking his sweet face.

BuzzBuzz, lol yea it is true. usually I am ok. always have my serenity. I know I am rich compared to so many others. Just feels good to be able to come here and let the icky stuff out that does come sometimes from being human. I know I love to listen to others share. Have also learned that people are at their best, when they are raw from grieving or something that they just cannot fake thru.

lol cute. They are a good animal family. I am proud of them. Even those two new pups are learning soooo well. (c: they have soooo much to learn lol get off the....couch, bed counter out of garbage, dirty dishes, leave the pig alone leave the guina pigs alone, don't bring THAT in here!

GET back GET down. come here, go outside, no playing in the dog water bowl in the house! NOOOO don't pull on the curtains, bring that back here, get off me!!! lol lol My six dogs are all so mellow and sooo good. I was spoiled.

now i take in these two HUGE pups who someone just thru into their back yard and yelled at them. sigh.

thank you for reminding me of how we control us and have our critters...

Gail it was strange. I was feeling pretty well, about to go outside and put my chicken are up. I was checking the guinea pigs and my one baby was cold and dying NO reason. the hairless ones are not as hearty. My little Anne. It just hit me in the gut. So I plunged her in warm water and got her all warmed up. Then put her close to me till she passed.

Any death brings up the same pain. It's a hole in my heart that just does not heal up. Honestly I did not want to get another dog, but I NEED a guard dog. then he was so lonely out there, slept outside,drove my old dogs nuts wanting to play. Soooo I got Kira the timber wolf/malamute. perfect pair.

But I know when I get more animals, I take their death too. I am honestly too old to go thru animal deaths anymore. It can make me sick for a week. even when I do my best to keep going. Too many deaths in my life so I think the scare can never heal. Is never tough.

Today I feel lighter. Had a great Bible study so that is always nice. three of us get together and look up stuff. was neat.

thank you Gail. I always know I will lighten up. Sometimes we just really need others touch! (c:

Oh Alex isn't it weird? I need to write about this transition from nice smooth arms to this weird crepe paper stuff! lol and my skin so thin,even under my toes! lol and whoa wrinkes THERE???? lol I can find NO book that tells you what to expect. I mean all those old people we have seen all our lives, well we weren't them. not like we imagined turning into that!

And why is it everything gets skinny but our tummy????THAT'S what I went to know! lol geez. hugging you, we are in this together. I hope you outlive him too. Its a horrible way to think. But geez their disease took so darn much.grama told me men have to die first so we can get some peace.lol lol Grampa told me, I think its time to turn in my wife and get a new one, NOW don't TELL grama. lol lol

(c:

Temple oh i will try the look up thing! couple nights ago I just did a couple sobbing things. five of my dogs sleep with me. It was late we were all asleep. My shi tzu poppy, the one I say has no brain, snuggles up and starts licking my arm. sigh. When I feel punky, I always cuddle wiht my pot bellied pig Dickens. not an easy thing to cuddle with them either, they are shaped pretty funny...anyway he is so sweet, doesn't gripe at me, just lets me lay myself across his neck and rest my heavy head on him.

I don't know what makes me not write another book. I think I told you my old computer ate my other one. rrrrr If I do it like I am writing to someone to share stuff I can do it. I want to always have real pictures of who or what I am talking about.

Did you ever read Gerald Durrell? OH he was sooo funny. I wanted to meet him so badly. then as soon as I got my computer, I looked him up, he had just died! I could not believe it. Raini my daughter said mom he really is gone! He was a true animal person, sorta like our dear passed crocodile hunter, just part of it all.

I don't see myself separate from animals, or the earth or plants or dirt. or the sky. the only thing I feel separate from is people. Isn't that weird? Its sorta like humans want something from you, expect, can be critical,want to tell you what to do, I cannot give my all to anyone. Did to my ex AH, not sorry. but look its gone.

Well I am no angel that is for sure. lol thanks for saying so. sigh. thank you you did make me feel better and you made me think.

love,debilyn

Temple · ~*Service Worker*~

No, Debilyn, I never did read Gerald Durrell. I'll have to look him up.
You are extraordinary. And you don't know that, because you've been with you so long. Grins.
I know what you mean about feeling connected to the earth and it's creatures. Mankind, not so much.
Love you,
Temple

Bargee · Veteran Member

Debilyn,
I don't know what to say...only that I hope you feel happier soon.

orchidlover · ~*Service Worker*~

My dogs are my life and my little old cat too. I am so glad you continue to make a home for them. I get comments about my dogs all the time. One of my dogs is fat. I have learned to let it all wash right over me.

So few people are animal lovers. I have a supervisor who threw her pet parrot out of the window and said she was glad about it. I always had problems with her. Now I can barely speak to her.

I don't know why I am alone. I know that I am not that great about picking suitable mates and I am happy to be aware of it. Getting someone to help me is no longer a priority for me.

I wish I could live far away from the madness of urban life. At some point I hope to do that.

Maresie.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

thank you bargee, believe me just your response is wonderful!

Temple thank you for "getting it" that was a huge revelation to me. The connection thing. You helped me find that!

Marisie, Yes we are sisters when it comes to animals. Ok I already HATE what that woman did!! hopefully since there are groups of pet birds who have gotten out or thrown out...rrrr who are thriving in Ca.

Here if they get out they are crow or raven food.

I would not talk to her either. How cruel. Heck marisie you are tiny. who cares if our dogs or whoever are fat. Mine are all free fed and sorta round. I like them that way. My grama was round and she lived to 106 and my dogs always way outlive most.

Next time just say, oh? are you afraid it will take up some of your space?

How dare they say anything anyway. No one would dare say anything about my kids. lol

thanks for the giggle dear. I am better. You all perked me up.

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