The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
We were supposed to celebrate our 27th anniversary last night. Instead he had a beer or two after work and came home late. Then knowing that I wouldn't be happy because he promised me he'd stop drinking, he was in a bad mood. I have threatened to leave and I know it doesn't work, especially if you don't follow through... I have cried and pleaded which only lasts for a few days. The most recent incident just a few days ago.. He was in a golf tournament. I was worriedd because he usually comes home quite drunk. I told him that I didn't want him to go he said " you don't think I can handle it?" I told him no... When he got home of course he had been drinking. I told him that I ws disappointed, He thought it was ok because he drank half of what he normally drinks. that was an improvemement to him. he does not get that he can't drink at all. He thinks he fools me when he just has one or two before coming home from work. It used to be fun, then it was tolerable now he is starting to get mean. We live like room mates. I am depressed but try to not show it for our daughter. She is working so hard, going to law school.
He doesn't think he has a problem. He drives drunk, I ask him not to but he tells me that he is a professional... Someday his luck will run out and he will end up in jail. I can only pray something worse doesn't happen..Others think he is fun when we are in a group, they do not see the home life.. I can not have alcohol in the house, he will mix it with anything until it is gone...
I am sad, I don't know what to do. Do I continue to live like this? Do I leave, but why should it be me that has to leave why not him?
Hi Jeng and welcome to the board. We can all in Al-anon understand the pain heartache disappointment and frustration you are going through. I know how it is to be so focused on the person that it becomes a habit and almost obsessive because I think if I observe and catalogue every drink mood and action somehow it will be in my control. But it doesn't and I am never in control of them nomatter what I say do plead manipulate punish warn or threaten. It is so very difficult but please try to turn the focus onto taking care of yourself and making your life as good as you can. Go to Al-anon meetings to learn how to do that. How others before you have learnes to do that. I'm so glad you found us and hope you find the support you are looking for. Tigger x
There are three or four Getting Them Sober books. I have them all - read them over and over. This is hard and baffling but it is the disease of alcoholism. We Alanoners watch them all the time. We basically quit living our lives and focus on them. They will always disappoint. We will always react. Take the focus off of him and focus on your own recovery. All the best.
Jenq, Welcome to MIP. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I can relate to the sadness. I also understand the feeling that it's he who has the problem, why should I leave? I suggest you learn as much as you can about alcoholism. The book Getting Them Sober is a great start. This board is also an excellent place. Not only to learn about alcoholism but also to learn how to take care of yourself and make a better life in spite of what your husband chooses to do. You're not alone. Please read other posts here and please keep coming back and sharing.
Aloha Jeng and welcome from the Pacific side of things. Want a good book to help you understand the disease? Under the Influence is considered one of the very best and was my college text when I was attending college. There are many Al-Anon Family Group members on this MIP board and the program is free and can be found in your area by calling the hotline number for Al-Anon from the white pages of your local telephone book. Get to the earliest meeting you can and hit the literature table for informational pamphlets and other volumes. Al-Anon was started by AA founders' wives so we are steeped in the disease and how to live freely inspite of it. Keep coming back...In support (((((Hugs)))))
