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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Have I lost my mind????
Post Info TOPIC: Have I lost my mind????
leogirl


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Have I lost my mind????
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I am new here, but I am desperate for some guidance regarding the A in my life.    I met this man literally a year and a half ago and he swept me off my feet, about 6 months into it I started suspecting he was an alcoholic, initially, I just thought he liked his wine.   Needless to say, we fell for each other hard, but we were falling for each other as his life started to spiral out of control.   Over the course of the next several months, I drove this man to detox multiple times, called the police when he was texting me suicidal type messages when he was drink at his apartment and the police calling me both times to say I probably saved his life as he was taken to the hospital in an ambulance. 

He finally went through a complete in-patient rehab program during which I visited him, supported him.   Also, during the course of his rehab, he was evicted from his apartment and his car was repossessed because he had no means to pay for any of it and I certainly wasn't going to do it.   Basically, he lost everything except for what was in the duffle bag he went to rehab with.

Once he completed his program, I let him come live with me this was November of 2011.   Come March, I started finding wine bottles in the wood pile out back, or hidden in the side yard.   I confronted him about it, and told him if he wanted to drink he couldn't be at the house.   He stopped, but then a couple weeks later, he said he wanted to drink so he was going to stay in a hotel all weekend so he could do that...huh??  I told him not to bother coming back.

He tried to come back multiple times and I remained adamant about not letting him come back, I have seen him a couple times, but now I'm at the point where I'm missing him terribly and we love each other, should I allow an A back in my life...knowing he will drink again...and just learn to deal with it on my own.   I will say, he doesn't call himself an alcoholic, that he just drinks to cope with anxiety, loneliness, etc.

He is just such an amazing person when he's sober, drunk...not at all.   I'm trying really hard to remain strong, but I do love him very much.  I'm  struggling....weekends are hard without him.

Gosh, sorry this is so long.



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Don't pursue happiness, create it!!
Bargee


Veteran Member

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I won't give you any advice as I have learnt on these boards that it is all about discovering for yourself what you want.
I will tell you though that living with an A can be hell.
I have been married to my AH for 2 years and we have been together 4 years.
He has gotten sober 3 times now and all times has relapsed.
Currently he is drinking and I hate him right now.
I am seriously considering leaving him.
We have a four month old daughter together and when he is drinking it takes all my self control not to scream at him to keep away from our beautiful little girl.
I know you miss him and I know exactly what you mean when you say he is an amazing person when he is sober and not at all when he's drunk. My AH is exactly the same.
I am at my wits end with him and cannot stand being in the same room as him right now.
I also read over people's posts who are now leaving their partners after 15-20 years of drinking and I'm scared that that will be me one day.
I have a lot of decisions to make in the near future.
I'm not trying to be negative, or tell you what to do, but I am telling you, living with an A is the hardest thing I have ever done.
Can you get to an Alanon meeting. I'm starting to go and apparently they are amazing and help you learn how to cope and change yourself.
Don't rush into anything.
Stay strong.

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You have to accept whatever comes and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage and with the best that you have to give.
Eleanor Roosevelt
hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

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Hi Leogirl Welcome to Miracles in Progress
 
To answer your question, No you have not lost your mind --you have just been adversely affected by living with the disease of alcoholism.
 
Alanon is a fellowship of men and women who share there experience, strength and hope in order to recover from living with this disease. I urge you to search out Face to Face meetings in your community You can do so By going to the following link:
 

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

Meetings help to break the isolation caused by this disease , offer support and new tools that helped to save my life

Keep coming back here and sharing it works if you work it.



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
ilovedogs


~*Service Worker*~

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Have you tried going to an Al Anon meeting in your area? Honestly, we can't tell you what to do here. What we can do is share our experience and what you'll hear is that many addicts have to hit a BOTTOM, sometimes multiple times, to finally get help. You sound like you've done a good job in setting boundaries and I'm sure you love him. What you may want to ask yourself is: where do you see yourself in 1 year, 5 years, how about 10? Do you want to be doing the same thing in the future that you are doing right now?

Honestly, if someone would have told me before I married my AH that he would relapse after 15 years(YES, 15 YEARS!) I wouldn't have married him. I had already had reservations but he quit drinking before the wedding so I went through with it. Be gentle with yourself, keep setting those boundaries, and try an Al Anon meeting. You will learn so much through their sharing and support and it may help you decide how you want to move forward(if at all) with this man.

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Struggling to find me......
sweeetr


Senior Member

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Posts: 198
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Sounds my ah and my story except replace wine with vodka. Alanon has truly helped me with my self esteem and loneliness I had is not near so much. Nothin is ever black and white... Leaving, staying, happy, sad, and this too shall pass is something I live by even when it's the happy times I want to stay. I have no advice but take care of you and let you know you aren't alone. Ttys

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 ..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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All I am going to say is, "When the A uses it only gets worse."

You can choose to dive into Al Anon, really use the tools, and live with him as long as you can, working HARD on you to be ok. Glean the time you can.

Or live with him and have the disease tear you apart. IF you don't learn and use Al anon.

To me it does not sound like you are ready to let him go. I would just invite you to please go to meetings, read lit, come here and fill up that Al Anon tool box.

I am NOT sorry I stayed with my AH as long as I could.I was only able to thru the grace of my HP and the people at MIP.

hugs,debilyn



__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
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