AH was sentenced on Wednesday - Al-Anon Family Group

Green Eyes · ~*Service Worker*~

AH was sentenced on Wednesday

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

I took him to court on Wednesday. The judge was extremely lenient with him. She gave him 3 days in jail and 11 days of home detention. He will be on probation for 3 years. He will have restricted driving priviliges for 60 days until the end of July at which point he will have the ignition interlock device. So much of this doesn't make sense and I sat there and listened to the whole thing. I mean, they will put him on restricted driving but not require the interlock until after the 60 days are up??? Right now his license is suspended but I know he drives when I'm not home. Last night it was to go out and get his non-alcoholic beer, I guess I should be happy that it wasn't real beer but he's got his whiskey stashed away somewhere anyway.

Anyway, I doubt the driving restrictions are really going to be taken seriously by him. Apparently, he's only allowed to drive to doctor appointments, meetings with his parole officer, alcohol counseling and screening appointments, and to and from work(he works from home in a sales job). Yeah, right! If only the judge knew how my AH thumbs his nose at authority. It was really interesting, though, to see him humble in front of the judge with his puppy dog face, LOL. He was very grateful to me for driving him and gave me an apology. Not for the DUI and all the emotional crap I've been through with him, it was about how much this is costing us. He says, "I'm really sorry about us losing $7000 so far. You could have used that money for so many other things." Oh well, I try not to have any expectations so I'll take whatever apology comes my way at this point.

Thanks for reading! Hope everyone has a happy day!

sookie · Senior Member

I have also been amazed (more like dumbstruck) at the judicial system. Sounds like it could have been worse.

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

2 years later and there is still dealings with the court system because of how long the lawyer drug it out. AH's fully DUI sentence won't be carried out until 2014 for something that happened at the end of 2010. I think the thinking is he won't make it that long without an alcohol related incident .. I agree I don't think he will either.

It's so sad.

Anyway, .. I'm sorry that things are so confusing and hard right now .. sending lots of love and support. It gets better it's still baffling.

Hugs P :)

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm wondering when he'll have to file the SR22 for the insurance? Green eyes, I am feeling very bitter and angry right now too. I was doing good for a while but after our fight last weekend and him just pissing and moaning about life, etc I just feel tapped out and resentful. I am a bit resentful about what this will cost but I also know it's not the end of the world. I am more resentful about the lies and about how he is trying to hide from society and lie and cover up the truth. I know he has his reasons, his own shame, but it's very hard to live with someone who is so full of shame and isn't trying to really get better emotionally or spiritually. I guess the blame game and the passive aggressive stuff is really getting to me this week.

Green Eyes · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm so hearing you, ILD, on that "passive aggressive" and "I'm a victim" stuff our AHs use so well. So hard to detach, but better to do that than to visit Crazytown!

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

You something I thought about today just in my own situation .. is that they have so much guilt and they operate from such a deep place of guilt that they expect everyone else to do the same as well. So when we stop doing that they really don't know what to do.

You are changing my friend and it's not a bad thing .. when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired .. trust me .. you'll do something different.

Hugs P :)

orchidlover · ~*Service Worker*~

I know someone who drove on a suspended license got caught and ended up in jail. Then his license was suspended for a year. Did it stop him drinking. Nope but it put a big crimp in his sales.

They do know all about alcoholism. They are looking for them. Driving on a suspended license is something many do and get away with. The ex A had a suspended license when I met him. I didn't pay that much attention to it then. Now it would be a deal breaker.

Maresie.

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

I had a friend suggest that I turn him in when he drives on the suspension. I just feel that it's not my place to do that. It would be one thing if he was drunk and driving but it just seems vindictive and spiteful to turn him in for that. I'm sure he'll just continue to get away with it until eventually he can't get away with it anymore. It's in my Higher Power's hands at this point, right?!

orchidlover · ~*Service Worker*~

I think the whole drinking and driving thing is a huge detachment issue. For me I was deathly afraid the ex A would kill someone. He didn't. He did crash the truck which I paid for many many times. Eventually he totalled it.

I felt really really upset that he couldn't see my pain and I really could not grasp the disease stuff for a long long time.

I had to accept the loss of the truck. I wrote it off and it was a very very big lesson for me.

Now at the end of our relationship he came to me about a hit and run he did. I didn't get invovled. I didn't go to court. I didn't ask. I had by that time got a lot more detachment but to get to detachment I was a complete basket case.

Maresie.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

yes you know how on tv they show kids killed from dui people, and how the offense is so serious and has serious consequences.

Bolony, bolony.

rrrrr so what did he learn?

What did you learn. rrrrr

sending you hugs! debilyn

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