The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I read this, and it is something I know I have to watch. My program of recovery is mine, and I can't force someone else into their own program of recovery. Loved it so much I wanted to share!
"Once upon a time a woman came to Al-Anon to find out how to make her husband stop drinking. She was extremely well-informed about alcoholism; she'd read a lot of books. Now she was about to give Al-Anon a chance.
After 6 months of attendance at meetings, and reading all the Al-Anon literature, she could certainly talk wonderful Al-Anon, except that she wasn't really powerless over anything. She had her own way of using the program.
She went to open AA meetings and made friends. She introduced them to her husband (when he could navigate enough to go to a meeting with her). In time she built up quite a stable of sponsors for him. Every day she'd call someone to remind him to call her husband, to come over and talk to him or take him to a closed meeting.
Her husband was dragged off to seven meetings a week. He agreed with everyone that AA was great. He was a mechanized puppet, powered by his wife's determined will. When it was discovered that she had set up a great big multi sponsor operation, the sponsors bowed out.
She wasn't powerless. Oh, no! But her husband kept on drinking. It was the only way the poor man could escape from the terrible domestic powerhouse." ODAT May 18
All of our stories are different, and we each have our own program to work. For me I have to constantly repeat step 1, I am powerless over alcohol! I can't control change or cure my AH. I have to always hand everything back to my HP!
I am struggling with this powerless thing only in that I feel that A's use it a bit to do whatever the hell they want. I'm confused about powerlessness and being taken advantage of? Even though I know I can't change a damn thing. And I'm not trying to change anyone but myself (today). I feel like I've been stuck doing EVERYTHING, because the A can't do it today, tomorrow, yesterday. But I am only new and learning. Thank you for your post, because it has given me a ton to think about ;).
Step 1 "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol that our lives had become unmanageable."
Suggestion insert the word you: "you admitted you were powerless over alcohol and your life had become unmanageable."
It's about your powerlessness over alcohol, can you control when or where your A drinks? However... can you control your re-action? Can you choose to find a place to go, or take a walk, or say I will talk to you about this at another time?
What is everything? I often find when I am overwhelmed I make a list, and then work my way through it. If everything is written down in list form look and ask yourself, what can I stop doing?
Nothing changes if nothing changes, and it's very easy to keep doing things just because you have always done them.
Just some thoughts from what I read. Take what you like and leave the rest. Definitely keep coming back, and keep reading, you are absolutely in the right place!
Last night in my meeting I shared that I am still struggling with step 1: I am powerless, period. And, yes, nothing changes if nothing changes. Right now I have to sit and be still and focus on the fact that I am powerless over his choices and his lifestyle and I must start taking steps to let go and let God/higher power. Thank you for sharing that.
I often just look to a situation and ask is this something I can change? If not then I have to give it over to HP.
I can't make someone else feel about me the way I feel about them. I can choose to let go of that situation and move forward with or without them. That part is my choice that is something I can change.
I don't have to do everything. There are some things my A can do, he may not like to do them however he can. I have to accept that he will or he won't. The only thing I can change about that situation is accepting him where he is at and knowing if it doesn't get done it doesn't get done by him. I can ask others for help. I do not have to do it alone.
I also like to think of myself as an actor in life vs a reactor to what is happening around me. I am giving an awful lot of power away if I am running around only reacting to situations. Making split decisions, not taking time to think about what is in my best interests. I am acting in a situation only if my choices are not being dictated by my feelings (feelings aren't facts). If my choices are being influenced by my feelings then nope .. that is not a good thing I'm only reacting to others around me. Those results are never a good thing.
Hugs P :)
It does get better and easier .. there is a beautiful side to being powerless by the way .. it's being very powerful in how we choose to live life on life's terms.
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
