The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi, Im Tegan. This is my first time here. Not sure where to start.....my husband drinks every night. Usually 8-12 beers. He goes out and I worry about him because I know he will be drinking. I have begged him not to! A few weeks ago he wrecked his car because he was drunk. Luckily no one was hurt, he hit a tree not someone else!! He doesn't remember much. He said he was sorry and would stop drinking. This lasted for a few days then he was back at it. He says he is not an alcoholic. I tried to talk to him and tell him he needs to stop this or he will kill somebody, or himself, or I will have to take the kids and leave. He now says he wants a divorce because he doesnt think he has a problem and he enjoys drinking. I am at a loss! He doesnt think he's got a problem because he doesnt beat me and because it doesnt affect his ability to work. Any advice for a very confused and frustrated wife??
Have you had a chance to check and see if there are any face-to-face Al-Anon meetings nearby?
We generally don't give advice in the program as we really allow everyone the dignity of figuring out their lives for themselves. But the one piece of advice we do give to newcomers is to get to at least six face-to-face meetings, as close together in time as possible. This gives you a good feel for the program and you can determine if it's for you or not. The only requirement for membership is that there be a drinking problem in a family member or friend.
Many of us on this board and in the face-to-face meetings can say they've experienced just about the exact same thing with their alcoholic loved ones. This is pretty "normal" alcoholic behavior.
For me, getting to face-to-face Al-Anon meetings, finding a sponsor and working the steps were key to seeing a change in my life in how I interacted with the alcoholic.
I hope you can find some meetings soon. Here's a link to the web site that may help you find one nearby:
I am so glad you are here. I had it with the car wrecks too. I had so many I lost count of them. The ex A had a really bad bout of the disease. I wish I could tell you it was all a big happy ending. I did find al anon very helpful. I found myself calm rather than crazed, peaceful rather than resentful.
I urge you to go to a meeting, try this board, get help. You deserve it.
I'd also urge you to get a hold of a copy of the book Getting them Sober whatever way you can.
Aloha Tegan...welcome and repeating the suggestions you got from Aloha and Orchidlover...6 or more. He doesn't have a clue what alcoholism is or isn't and you're about to find out yourself. Good luck and keep coming back here for more support. ((((hugs))))
Glad you found us there are lots of people on here who know what you are talking about.
Part of the disease is denial and the more I tried to get my ABF to see his problem the more he turned on me. I went to al anon and got eduacted about the disease not just what it was doing to him but what it was doing to the whole family. I can not put into word the support I have been given by this fellowship.
Today I know what I am dealing with and as mentioned no one gives me advice they just share their experiences an what worked for them I can take what i like and leave the rest.
joining alanon is one of the best choices I have made ,
Hi Tegan...don't have any magic words to make it better, but just wanted to say that Im glad you found this site and hope it helps you on your journey to recovery. We all feel at a loss sometimes....the important thing is that you're doing whats best for you; sharing how you feel and learning about alcoholism. i agree that you could really benefit from a face to face meeting. The first few months that I went I just listened and took it all in. Keep coming back :)
