The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
No, I do not have a child with ADD or ADHD. However, as a former special ed teacher ( resigned from special ed last year) I have worked with a great number of students with the label.
I have mixed feelings about labeling students and giving them medications.
Someone has already suggested reading up on this condition so that you can make an informed decision. Some doctors, based on my experiences, are not thorough. They are too quick to diagnosis ADD or ADHD and hand a parent a prescription. There are so many variables to consider. And frankly, sorry to say, many who work with children at schools are not always willing to take the time that is needed to thoroughly evaluate the child and his needs. They, like many in this society, want a quick fix.
In my state, when a student has a diagnosis of ADHD, he or she does not automatically qualify for an IEP (Individual Education Plan). Whether qualified or not is the conclusion of what is called a "multi-disciplinary" team, which you would be a part of if your son is evaluated. Your decision counts. In addition, some get what is called (in our state) a 504 Plan. This plan outlines they accommodations and modifications needed for the child to be successful in school.
You might want to ask for a special education evaluation. I would do it in writing because schools have to honor written requests. I have seen many times "oral" requests get swept under the rug because parents do not know their rights. So if you want an evaluation, again, submit the request in writing. Make certain to date the note and document the date you submitted it. School pyschs have questionnaires to give to the parent and teacher that are usually part of the evaluation.
I highly recommend making an informed decision. Educate yourself.
Also, keep in mind, that how a child with the label of ADHD and who takes meds perceives himself is often based on what he has heard his parent state and how his parent treats him. I have know many parents who have said some pretty damaging statements to their children with this label (and others).
I hope all goes well for your son!
-- Edited by GailMichelle on Thursday 17th of May 2012 06:37:41 PM
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
Hello everyone. I know this is off topic here but I feel confortable coming here and am hoping that someone here has some ES&H for me about adhd. My son is 8 and has been diagnosed with adhd 6 months ago. We decided to not to do medication, but things are getting worse for him at school and at home. The family is in chaos and his little brother is now acting out at home and at school. I am trying to incorporate my tools from the alanon program with this and thank God for that because it is helping me. I am so grateful to this program. I just feel alone in this and that the school thinks my son is a huge problem and they want him on medication and he is also on the verge of suspension for being in trouble so much. I honestly believe that he cannot help a lot of this but at the same time I do not want to be an enabeler (since I have so much history of that, I have to be careful) I am trying to find out the healthy line with it. We have an appt. with the psychologist to see if we can maybe try some medication. My heart breaks for my son because I do not want him to think he has some disorder...I want him to know that he is special just the way he is. I have to know and trust that God created him exactly the way he is suppost to be...but then I question why I would have to medicate him....I am just upset and want the best for him. Thanks for the support here. Much love to you all.
Hi there ... Yes my youngest son has ADHD ... I tried the no medication and changed what we ate and all the books I read, I tried behaviour things and nothing helped as well as when i went to the third specialist.. I said I dont want him all doped up,we love his personality and dont wana change it.
She said has anything else worked? (no) she said well its not his fault he needs medication. You are asking him to control something he cant. Thats your problem you dont want him on medication, not his. (ouch)
She said for his sake I should try it and when we get the dose correct (we started low and did have to increase) She said he should have same personality and be happier, She said children dont want to be in trouble they dont want people thinking "they are bad"
He has been on medication for three years and has improved in school and at home TREMENDOUSLY. Dont get me wrong.. he's 100% boy and has a very out going personality but he is happier now that he has himself "under control"
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..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
LOL, I'm sorry that I had to laugh but I just met with an educational psychologist about my sons' IQ testing, etc just this morning! He is 13 and got a diagnosis of ADHD-NOS. Basically, he doesn't quite fit all the criteria but fits most and would probably be diagnosed as just ADD, but these days they don't do that. He also has Tourette's and some anxiety issues too. We, too, have never done medication for him but we homeschool. Unfortunately, with homeschooling I haven't been very tough on him and I give him too much time to complete tasks his processing skills are low because he can't finish things in certain time frames. He also doesn't have too much experience with tests so I had put him in a homescool co-op this year and that has given us the opportunity to teach study skills and writing reports, etc. The testing gave me some insight as to where he is academically and it pretty much told me what I knew already. His writing skills are horrendous, in math he's 2 grade levels behind, and his processing skills are terrible. Yet, he tested at a college level for spelling and at a 9th grade level in academic skills. I feel like he's all over the place, LOL!
We had a psychiatrist suggest trying omega 3's with him and some diet modifications. Like cutting out red dyes, MSG, nitrates, and other food additives. Also, they suggested these books for us, maybe they will help you, too: "Parenting children with ADHD; 10 lessons that Medicine Cannot Teach", by Vincent J Monastra "ADHD; A Survival Guide for Parents and Teachers", by Richard Lougy and David Rosenthal
I hope this all helps. We don't really have discipline issues with our son. He is very compliant but he is very hard on himself and it's that pressure to get everything perfect that makes him stuck and frozen. I am totally ADD and I space out all the time. The doctor was talking to me this AM and I missed about 30 seconds of what she said because I was focusing on one of the reports she gave me instead of listening to her. I had to tell myself: Bonnie, pay attention, she's telling you important stuff. Geez!
Yes, 3 boys with varying degrees. Oldest is not medicated for ADHD but he was able to cope. Middle is medicated and cannot function without it. He is also gifted and mentally ill so for him, no ADHD medication puts him into the "Beautiful Mind" category where he is so consumed with things his brain is focused on, he can't live in reality. My ex FIL was diagnosed with ADHD back in the 50's so it's not new.
My youngest has ADHD so badly that even with medication he's barely able to cope in school.
In my experience, if you are looking to go medication free, I recommend that you research diet and homeschooling. The schools in America are resistent to dealing with this, and you might find one teacher who is willing but the next year it'll be someone new and it starts again. Your son is also entitled to an IEP which means they cannot abuse the suspensions with him. FWIW, my middle son is suspended about 10 days every year (the max) and is on IEP. Some states may call it something else but IEP is special education and they have to accomodate his disability.
We tried going without medication but everyone was just constantly on edge and it was a nightmare at home. It's not like medication gives you a different kid, it just slows them down enough to get them to function with the rest of us.
One thing I did find out .....If your child is ADD or ADHD .. the school by most state laws HAVE to allow them extra test time etc... And they can not make a big deal about it or legally you have rights. Check with your doc and fund out your states responsibilty with that on public schools
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..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
You might also think about the possibility that he has both ADHD and some kind of acting out from experiencing life with an alcoholic. It can be very hard to separate out the two, but it's important to address the emotional component if there is one. My ex was ADHD and I think some of the reason behind his alcoholism was self-medicating for the fact that he was always considered a failure in school, "Why can't that boy control himself? What's wrong with him?" etc. So it can be a vicious cycle. A really well-informed and wise child psychologist could help sort out the issues and the treatments.
Thank you everyone for the responses. I feel not so alone in this. I really appreciate your sharing of your AS&H. Hearing your experiences is amazingly helpful and I feel much more hope.
Hi. I have a grandchild with ADHD and am in contact with other parents who have the same problem. There is also a lot of information and websites on the Internet which you may have already found.
I have also done a lot of reading with borrowed books through the public library.
Recently I bought 'Easy to Love but Hard to Raise. Real Parents,challenging Kids, true stories.'
Because I am isolated in a rural area I bought it online from Amazon.
There are many books about children who live in the world of alphabet soup...the world of ADHD, SPD, PBD,OCD, PDD and other combinations...but this one is about the parents and how they cope.
I found it very helpful and reasuring and you may too.
I have 4 children and three of them are boys. My daughter is the only one that doesn't have ADD. My first son had pretty severe ADD, and I medicated him in 4-5th grade he did great. In middle school we took him off, he hated the side effects. It was all down hill after that til he dropped out of high school his senior year. He did get his GED, but hasn't held a real job and he is now 22. I recently kicked him out. I wish i would have kept him medicated all through school. My second son wasn't medicated and dropped out his Sr. Year, got in a lot of trouble and became a heroine addict after high school. He is doing so much better now, but still doesn't have his GED, and is having a very hard time finding employment. He also hasn't lived at home in over a year. I kicked him out when he was stealing from me and using the money for his drug habit. I told them both, the only way they can live at home is if they either work full time and pay rent or go to school full time and work part time. My youngest is in 7th grade. I avoided facing the fact that he too was ADD until last year. I got the diagnosis and he is medicated. His grades went from d's and f's and tons of missing schoolwork to A & B's with only 1 missing assingment all year. I hate the fact that he needs meds, but he does! I hate the fact that my older boys needed them and I let the stigma guide me. =(
xxoo
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