The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yesterday my ex or not ex AWsober had a tough day which puts her out of commission even for the basics such as our need to get groceries. She was apologetic (as always, when not a finger is lifted with helping around the house) I was truely fine with it. Then today rolls around and I have been at university all day, called a couple of times to see how she was doing no response. I felt myself, on my bike ride home, starting to seethe. "I'm sure she hasn't taken care of the dog, I bet the house is a tip still, why the hell hasn't she called me back, why is she putting everything and her AA buddies first before our dog and our home..."
I realized (and boy, these lessons are coming quickly) that I needed to read something, get on the boards. My anger was rising, I was about to pick up the phone and rage against the lack of support. Wanting to elicit the response I wanted to hear.
But instead, I read this passage, January 29, in Courage to Change.
"Am I am trying to control someone else or am I simply expressing my feelings? "If I mention something that is on my mind and then let it go no matter what response I get, I am speaking sincerely. If I repeatedly make similar suggestions or ask prodding questions again and again, I am probably trying to control. If I am satisfied only when the other person responds in a way I consider desirableagrees with what Ive said or takes my advicethen I know I have lost my focus."
Let me not use my recovery as an excuse to justify my efforts to change other peoples thinking. Let me promptly admit such mistakes and put my energy back where it belongs by focusing on myself.
We should have much peace if we would not busy ourselves with the sayings and doings of others. Thomas a Kempis
I think in my short time with the program (and with the ESH of my last post) I am realizing that this program is about ME. Not me trying to do this to control the thinking of my partner and trying to win her back. It is sinking in ever so gradually. And this very second, I feel SOOOOOOO much better than I did an hour ago on that seething angry bike ride home. I have no horrid phone messages to apologize for . I'm focusing on ME and getting ready to have a great dinnerprepared by ME and then off to my F2F meeting. Thanks for listening!
-- Edited by BuzzBuzz on Wednesday 16th of May 2012 10:51:33 AM
So glad you are feeling better and better yet you are working a program of recovery .. keep coming back :)
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Thankyou Thankyou Thankyou BuzzBuzz...even an old timer needs to hear from the heart and experience of others in the fellowship. That post put me in another spiritual realm. I am stronger as a result...not invinceable...just stronger. ((((hugs))))
I love seeing the program tools put to work! Thank you Buzz. I can't say how many times a phone call to my sponsor, hitting a meeting or picking up some CAL has saved my butt from an ugly, unnecessary argument!
