Called Police - Al-Anon Family Group

Ariel · Veteran Member

Called Police

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm hoping that the police showed up and took him to their drunk tank?

The best thing I have ever heard here on these boards is what other people think of me is none of my business. You weren't the one who was drunk and screaming outside, you aren't the one who is conducting themselves in a sick manner, you are only trying to protect your children and give them a safe home. People are going to think what they are going to think, .. trust me actions speak far louder than anything that is said.

Stick to your side of the street and just keep doing the best you can. I'm so sorry that this other idiot lives across the street from you and you have to deal with that on top of everything else. I hope you are able to continue to seek serenity. Now would def be a good time to get to a meeting and take care of yourself and the kids.

Hugs P :)

Ariel · Veteran Member

They showed up and of course took it as two guys who went golfing, normal. What I can't get out of my head are all the crazy things the neighbor said to me and made up. And that his pregnant gf didn't text or call me to make sure all was ok. Or that someone didn't point out that his kids were there, where they were drinking. Aren't there laws pertaining to drinking around kids? Why is it that a person can't use drugs around kids, but can come home drinker than drunk? I'm seriously thinking of calling child services on my AB. We have a son together and I know I'm jeapordizing my life, but, I feel like maybe this is the way to finally get him out. He doesn't work, and has nowhere else to go but my drunk neighbor's. Has no money & his family has pretty much washed their hands of him. They are sick of it. Nobody knows what to do. I'm afraid if he has our son during visitations, that something will happen. He drinks when the kids go to bed & has gotten so drunk he has left on ovens, space heaters, etc. when he's done with kids & ready to drink, he will let our son cry until I get him & if he goes to find daddy bc he's not tupired, AB will put him back crying. Any thoughts?

Jadie · Veteran Member

Hi Ariel.....do you have Al-anon meetings near you? You will get lots of support at face to face meetings from those who understand & can empathise with what you are going through.

Neighbours, friends, family etc have no understanding of what it's like to live with addiction. I too love the al-anon saying 'what other people think of me is none of my business'.

Your husband seems to have a lot of willing enablers around, he is in his comfort zone doing what A's do......drink.

I would never trust an active A around childre, they promise they won't drink then their disease tells them one will be ok, one leads to two and on they go.

Hope you can get to a meeting

Keep coming back

In support

Jadie x

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

The pregnant girlfriend is deep in the insanity too or she wouldn't still be in that situation -- no use expecting a healthy perspective from her. If this happens repeatedly, it sounds as if you may need a stay-away order or a restraining order. Or for your protection it may be time to move so you're not across the street from this madhouse. I hope you'll find a meeting soon. Everyone needs support when we go through these situations. Keep coming back.

Ariel · Veteran Member

It is hard for me to get to meetings, but I've been. I talked with my counselor today, who is also an addiction counselor and pastor, and he also suggested an OP. AB has called and texted me about 15 times today. I've not responded. He is still across the street with beer buddy, doing yard work, watching my every move. I feel like he is where he wants to be, it's a weird relationship he has with the beer buddy. I feel like the beer buddy wanted to see me "lose" bc I think he knows I don't like him, for obvious reasons. This guy gets all of my time from my AB, and feeds him alcohol. So he wins, he can have him. He won't be able to get rid of him! I'm not sure how to handle all of the phone calls and texts. We have a son together. I don't know how getting custody works.

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

My suggestion is to ignore the phone calls as well as the texts he's looking for a reaction. Or I should say that is what I have found. The more I react to something the more it escalates. Find out what your state laws are regarding custody. What the courts consider issues and so on. I know in my state if there is a current issue and probation is violated and there is a custody agreement in place, if an arrest is made the custody agreement goes out the window.

It's important to speak with a lawyer of some kind, legal aide, .. someone who is familiar and will assist you with the laws in your state.

Hugs P :)

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

My thoughts. You called him your AB. Is he still your boyfriend?

As far as neighbor, no one makes anyone else drink. Your AB is making that choice. My ex AH had a friend like that, he waved a needle of heroin in front of him after 30 years of never using. I don't blame his friend at all. It was the addict disease that made it.

It was a weird relationship too. But then a long time ago a wise man said, an A does not want to go down alone.

If you are serious, I would call legal aid or dept of human services on how to get an order to keep him away.

I would NOT bring in childrens services as you may find yourself fighting for your own child. Do not trust them.

Keep calling the police. Don't let what they did this time stop you. The more you call, the sicker they will get of his bolony.

As far as custody, the child is in your custody, not his. In order for it to be questioned he has to go to court. Most A's never follow thru with that kind of thing.

I am so sorry your kids saw this. To me that is inexcuseable. That being even more what makes it important to call the police. They need to know this behavior is not right.

Myself if I would have called friends or my family to come over to help me. Just for support and to make the kids feel good. Play games eat, just go back to normal and not allow his bolony to upset them.

Also it struck me sorta weird as you called the neighbor in the first place right?

I do relate to that too!!! And when I did talk to his friend,I was told the horrible things my AH then had said about me. Broke my heart to bits. I cried, his friend felt awful and apologized to me and was so nice to me until he od'ed at him moms...sad.

Anyway, keep "normal" at your house as best you can for the kids.

I hope you will come here for support all you need and vent.

love,debilyn

Ariel · Veteran Member

The kind responses really help. For as long as this guy is in my AB's life, I could never be with him now, and will not until he gets help for his disease...which he never will. I call him my AB bc it easy, no, I'm not with him. Last time we broke up & got back he promised to get help & was very angry at me for pushing him into it. So in my eyes we are done. He will not get help. I only called beer buddy just to get him out of my home and away from kids. I never that he would digress into a barrage of statements against me that we're utterly unsolicited. But he was drunk (with kids there & one on the way) so that's that. Now AB is pulling the "feel sorry for me" routine. I'm just not answering calls/texts and the house is locked up. In 4 years he's never had a key, bc I don't trust him at all. It's been peacefully here since he's gone. Aside from the anxiety from anticipating him coming here. It is going to take him 6 months or more to accept I'm serious.

LeahC · Member

Hi Ariel,

I used to get really angry and lock my Alcoholic boyfriend, father of my 2 year old out of our apartment. I called the police on him twice within 3 months. Once he was arrested for a public intox but only because he was out in the parking lot about to get in his car and because of the safety of our 2 year old was the reason they only cared. When I would lock him out because I was so angry, it would make him even more angry. He would kick and punch our patio window and bang on the door. It was humiliating for me as I'm sure our whole apartment complex could hear. But thankfully my daughter was asleep in bed. I realized by locking him out because I was mad was giving him a reason to get angry back and act that way. Now I will not do that unless there is a dangerous reason necessary to lock him out. I have also contacted my Alcoholic boyfriend's friends to come get him or keep him over there. They were nice at first to me but then he manipulated them against me and they turned on me. In the end, he looks like the rational one and I looked like a dramatic fool. Unfortunately, they will take his side over yours anytime because thats their buddy. Good luck with your situation. Reminded me alot of mine.

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