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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Trying to keep swimming
Post Info TOPIC: Trying to keep swimming
rehprof


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Trying to keep swimming
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hi all

my job is crazy...I've picked up extra work because I can't pay the bills...and I am working 60 hours a week and can't keep up! My kid has baseball that keeps us out 2-3  nights a week until 9 pm...and I am trying to keep a house, do laundry, yardwork, repairs...and just feeling like I'm never going to catch up. Now I am starting a class that is scheduled the same nights as baseball...

Financial burdens are the hardest. I watch every penny -- and I only get paid once a month...praying that I won't need oil again until June 1 when I get paid again (they won't deliver with an outstanding bill, and I owe $400). Need to find money to fix my well...and don't have it...($3500)

feeling stressed and alone.

meanwhile, the ex is on "vacation" to vegas...hasn't given me or his kids a penny in a year and a half...hasn't worked in 2...he tells people he gave me the house (a 240K mortgage on a house worth 180K)...

sometimes it's just plain tough

needing some esh



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maryjane


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Wow, all you can do is one day at a time. Keep swimming. Make sure the ex can't get to any money that you do have. Guilt him? Guilt his parents? Take the high road and keep doing it all alone? Lean on the friends/neighbors to take son to baseball. Try to get to as many games as you can. Don't worry about yardwork or if your house is clean. Just so it is "clean enough".

Keep on keeping on.

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maryjane
Pushka


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Hugs R,

I am glad to see you post an update!! :) I'm so sorry you are in this position. Ask for help where you can .. I agree with MaryJane .. you have got to take care of yourself, if cleaning is relaxing for you (it is something I do to relieve stress .. ha ha .. my house should be the cleanest on the block .. lol), I do feel better about what I have accomplished whatever it is I do it's about making sure I am recharging in some way. I'm watching the grass grow at the moment thinking I better get to mowing. It's going to get done at some point. If your kids are old enough can they mow? I do lean on my kids to help out where they can.

The money stuff is the hardest .. just keep doing the best that you can while taking really good care of yourself.

Hugs P :)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
orchidlover


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I can definitely relate. For two years I worked 7 days a week.

I can't say I have an answer.  I do know I'd rather be on the side of working than being an addict and being in denial.

I know for me sitting down and working out the priorities helped. What were my priorities, what needed to be done.  What could I do without. Where could I save money?

I know I became absolutely exhausted by the end of two years. I have had to look long and hard at adding commitments.

Maresie.



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orchid lover
Debilyn


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I am so sorry you guys are in this situation!

I was in a pickle when my A and I split.

Now I am super frugal. Its harder with kids.

Have you called your mortgage company about modifying your home loan? lower interest, less of a payment. I did this.

I wash in cold only, and hang my cloths, especially now when it is nice. Many things will dry over night in the house too. I save huge there on power.

Very few lights on ever. My cell is straight talk, super inexpensive and works great. You can get internet with it, then get the cord to hook to the tv to see it on there.

I just have internet no landline. I don't have tv cept my computer.

There are lots of ways to be frugal that help so much. short showers help too.

Is there a possibility of moving to an affordable home? I was like you just could not keep up. septic needed emptying again, house needed paint and on and on. I finally let it go. I am selling in on a short sale. I found my one room cabin for $500 a month and it is heaven.

There are neat places out there if you keep looking. We can make a home home as long as we have love. I lived in the end of my barn for years in a one room sunroom.

I don't know how much you make but are you eligible for food credit card thingy with just one job? Are the kids old enough to work? Or do you just have one? I was a widow 18 years worked full time and went to college. My kids had chores. We did it all together. had to do the ignore what they say and watch what they do a lot! haha

Is renting a room out an option? Students are a good for this.

this is part of my esh. I looked for alternatives and options. I live on a very meager income. very meager. I know this is crazy but I even use my grocery bags turned inside out to put my sandwich on instead of a plate I have to wash, then use it for a garbage bag.

Shopping at Goodwill is fun and I find brand new stuff all the time, buy great names too.

I would make lasagna, stir fry, whatever then freeze in portions so we always had good stuff to eat. same with cookies.

You have to be exausted. for me deciding what my priorties were is what helped. did I want to work myself to death and not enjoy my kids?  was the house worth keeping when all it did was cause stress?

what are my options? Believe me they are out there. ONE day at a time, can you make each one day happy? You can I promise.

If you want to pm me for certain ideas let me know. I do know how we wish our marriages would have worked, we wish the other parent would do their part. rrrrrrrrr

sending you hope and hugs! debilyn

 



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pinkchip


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reprof - I had to short sell in order to have sanity and live within my means. Dunno how much that is an option for you. You could rent a place for you and your kids for probably half the cost.

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rehprof


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Thank you all for your ESH. I save my kveching for the boards bc I knew you all would understand.

I just get tired....

But this morning...I was walking across campus at work...and I found a smile on my face!

and, I gotta say, I AM swimming, where I was drowning with my Ex A in my life...

all best,

RP



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