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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> to go or to stay
Post Info TOPIC: to go or to stay
dragonflys


Senior Member

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to go or to stay
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I have been where u are. My husband refused to leave as well. So I left the house with the kids. He was angry and verbally abusive. He said stupid things to our 5 year old daughter and it was all too much for me to handle. So I left and went to a friends house.

My husband needed to know that I was serious so unfortunately I had to be the one to physically remove myself and the kids (even tho I have the only job that supports our household). In my case, my husband did get his things and leave the next day.

It was really hard for me to pack up my kids and go to a friends house. I was so angry that I was the one who had to leave as I was the one paying all the bills. And I was totally humiliated as I felt I was so weak by not being able to make him leave.

To go or to stay is not something anyone can tell u to do. Us Alanoners do not give advice, but we do offer our experience, strength and hope (ESH). I haven't been actively in the program long, but my experience has been that I have never felt so accepted, understood and calm as I did when I went to my first face to face Alanon meetings.

You didn't mention if u have been to a face to face Alanon meeting. I would suggest u find one in your area. Although we do not know your exact situation, many of us have been though and experiencing similar situations.

Sending you hugs and support



-- Edited by dragonflys on Tuesday 15th of May 2012 01:18:43 AM

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pressley27


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I am a new comer ! So I dn't know where to begin. I have a fiance who has relapsed twice in three years. We were both single parents, fell in love while combining two households togther. Along the way we had a little boy who is almost four. He had been clean six years (claims anyway) before we meet. I didnt know what I was getting into. I do love him I somhow feel cheated, and exhausted. I have asked him to leave, but he wont. Seems to become  very angry if I mention living apart for awhile. He is sixty days clean and is being active in his recovry. I just dn't know if I have anything left to give.



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Bargee


Veteran Member

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Posts: 65
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Hey pressley27,
I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you.
My situation is a bit similar and I'm trying to make the same decision as you.
I have found these boards very supportive.
Please come back. There is some amazing advice here.
I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

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You have to accept whatever comes and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage and with the best that you have to give.
Eleanor Roosevelt
pressley27


Newbie

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Thank you, for the input. I want to go to meeting and feel better about myself first. I feel like I can't focus in recovery for myself, take care of our children,and work on our relationship. He ds't understand....his sponser said it is the addict in my fiance being shelfish not understanding that I might need time to myself. There in no middle ground for him, if I leave he is under the impression it will be for good!



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Pushka


~*Service Worker*~

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Feelings aren't facts and while you may feel you "can't" take time for you, .. you need to for your own sanity. So I hope you will put yourself first and do something for you. If you remain focused on everything else instead of taking care of you .. you won't be any good to anyone else least of all yourself.

Welcome to the boards, .. I hope you will keep coming back because you are worth it!!

Hugs P :)



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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
dragonflys


Senior Member

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Posts: 107
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(((pressley27)))

I completely relate to what you said about feeling like you cant focus! I have been there, done that, and wrote about it on the boards here. It was REALLY difficult for me to do everything. I felt so completely overwhelmed!

I started by taking baby steps...one day at a time. Even if it is just taking a longer than normal shower! Give yourself 15 minutes a day to do whatever YOU want!
For me that was so hard, I am co-dependent and I always did what everyone else wanted me to do, or did what I thought everyone wanted me to do.

Do you have someone that you can call to watch your kids for one hour so you can get to a meeting? I can understand if you dont (i have no family that lives even relatively close to me) There are online meetings and I have made a goal to myself to do at least 2 online meetings a week and hang out in the chat room a little bit too.

I too hope that you continue to come back! You are worth it! Like they say on the airplanes before they take off "Place your air mask on first, then you can help others"

sending hugs and support your way

Dragonflys

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