The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Been gone a long time. Life for me has changed again. Left Los Angeles, now in Riverside caretaking my Mom who has dementia, she is 86.
Got rid of mostly everything(feels good) just held on to bare minimum and we got a two bedroom in a very luxurious place. 55 and over. I had been contemplating this for awhile. She required 24 care and I wanted to do it. Even though we have not had the best relationship in the past 15 years. I feel now the Dementia and some other issues were the cause , now I understand why she acted like she did, It was coming on.
Surprisingly Dementia is a lot like Alcoholism, the mood swings, the paranoia, memory loss, etc. So glad I have Alanon under my belt and my practice of Buddhist meditation or I could never do this. I would really like my Mother not to have to go to a home unless its really necessary.
You cannot believe the words that can be spewed at you by a person with dementia, even when its your Mother. Because some where in that demented mind, It hits home and your gut and you want to react.
I guess what Im trying to say is that alcoholism has such a stigma. I so unfairly judged the alcoholic a lot of years. Why is it that Dementia is accepted so readily? We know the elderly person is sick, how come we dont accept that in an alcoholic , but compassionately accept it in the elderly. Even though they can be hateful, beligerent and downright nasty. They can be better if they want to, but its easier to misbehave then to correct themselves.
Well in case you were wondering where I went, thats it. Grateful to Alanon and my practice that I can be of service to my Mom. For sure its not easy, not at all. But neither is growth and I always want to grow.
Hi Bettina... so nice to hear that you are doing as well as could be expected with your Mom.....
Great example of "practising these principles in all our affairs".... I truly believe my learnings in Al-Anon are "life-wide" learnings, and pretty much equally applicable across all things/relationships/situations...
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Good to see you again and hope you keep coming back. I agree it is pretty sad that alcoholism is stigmatized. I'm glad there's more knowledge and more open talk about it these days than there use to be. Best wishes concerning your new home and efforts to keep mom at home with you. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Aloha Bettina...Great post and of course the two diseases wrap around dementia for sure. The confusion with alcoholism and other diseases is the appearence of free choice to many. A deeper understanding of the disease of alcoholism helps increase the understanding of alcoholism and other addictions also.
Your Mom is blessed to have you there with her. I'm sad with you to watch this part of the aging process evolve. My Mom also went thru this process and the only thing we could give her when with her was the miracle of the program. She came to understand I feel and it lessened her fear and paranoia. We left her with the slogans and the practice of Letting go and Letting God.
