The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
What you have described is no. 4 of the Laundry list. We either become alcoholics, marry them or both - or find another compulsive personality, such as a workaholic, to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.
It goes on to read;
If we make a careful survey of those close to us, family and non-family, it probably won't take too much effort to notice that sometimes we are drawn to, befriend or become attracted to alcoholics or other addictive people. Emotionally healthy individuals with a solid sense of self-esteen do not usually link up with alcoholic, compulsive or emotionally ill individuals.
Then down further:
Alcoholics and workaholics are seldom capable of being supportive to another person because their compulsive/addictive behavior acts to block their feelings. For many the addiction is the way of not feeling the feelings. Thus a parent or partner who purposely gets drunk is making a statement: "I am now emotionally abandoning myself, my mate and/or my children." When we become involved with an addictive person, we are at some level seeking that familiar abandonment we experienced as children.
This hit myself hard between the eyes about a month ago Linda. It was a real eye-opener that we truly are responsible for our own happiness. They're coping the best way they can, which doesn't really leave any room for us, unless they're getting help.
Wow! "When we become involved with an addictive person, we are at some level seeking that familiar abandonment we experienced as children."
That makes SO MUCH SENSE.
__________________
Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
Shame your issues with posting on the ACA board can't get fixed hey....
I fully 'get' that the issues are from abandonment and 'stuff'.... I guess .. where does one go from here???
I also feel that my reactions are extreme to what would be considered by many a 'non issue'. It is my problem. I don't believe that literally he is abandoning me or that he thinks any less of me if he goes fishing or whatever....... It seems to be my reaction to anything that is not solely "all about me" (being me... Linda)... which is classic inner child stuff isn't it.
