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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Three cheers for Friday after work...!!!
Post Info TOPIC: Three cheers for Friday after work...!!!
ladysoblue


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Three cheers for Friday after work...!!!
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So... here we are at Friday afternoon again - a very typical one where it's mid-afternoon, and I haven't heard anything from the AH. Last night we discussed what his schedule would be like today, but today it's not yet resembling what we had talked about. Gee, surprise surprise.

The familiar feeling of mid-afternoon dread is creeping in on me, the longer I go without a text or phonecall from him. I'm trying to not pick up the phone, trying to reassure myself that he'll probably walk in the door any moment now, just like he said he would (last night). This is around the time of afternoon when I start slowly accepting that he will probably come home quite late and quite buzzed. The tension is coming into my shoulders, my jaw, my stomach... feeling short of breath, tearful... and I'M SO SICK OF THIS!!! disbelief  JUST SO SICK! 

I'm sorry for the shouting, but I really do just want to shout! Shout at the walls, at God, at the AH. Why does this have to keep happening? Why, after he apologized for Monday night's drunk? After he wrote all those beautiful things to me in a letter? After seeing his therapist yesterday, and telling me how he understands the need for balance in his life, and that alcohol is bad for him?

Why must I always be the calm one, the understanding and patient one, the one who doesn't shout? The one without the "luxury" of indulging in some kind of mental escape?? I'm just so fed up - want to run away for a few days maybe. Why is this whole thing just so fricking unfair?



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katfshh


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I hear ya. Why do they say that they are going to do the right thing, but then don't do the right thing? Why do they even talk if they aren't going to follow through. My AF just talked to me on the phone for an hour. During that converstaion he told me that he wants to go to detox. But, then he threw in that he paid for the hotel he is in for another night, so maybe he will wait until tomorrow. Back and forth. Then he asked to talk to his son, who he played the same, maybe, maybe not. We aren't even the ones suggessting it! He is! It's like why did we even have the conversation if you are going to wait until tomorrow, yesterday it was tomorrow too. Ugh. Hugs to you. You aren't alone! We are right there with you, getting a little hope and then kaboom, back to the bs.

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Katfshh

~The most beautiful sunsets are made by cloudy skies~
ladysoblue


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Yes! That's the thing! I'm not even sure how I feel about the 'good' times any more. Can I believe him? Does he really mean what he's saying? Does he even truly believe the things he's said to his therapist and 'realized' with her?

Sometimes it almost feels more hurtful to have him saying his nice, sweet, loving (sober) things. You're right katfshh - hope --> kaboom --> coping --> hope --> kaboom etc etc etc...



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Bargee


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Ditto to all of the above!!!
I'm right there with yoy all!!!
They break your heart don't they.

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You have to accept whatever comes and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage and with the best that you have to give.
Eleanor Roosevelt
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Three cheers for Friday after work...!!!