Wasn't Expecting What Therapist Said - Al-Anon Family Group

surfgirl123 · Senior Member

Wasn't Expecting What Therapist Said

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Sounds like you have a lot going on! I am senidng you lots of love and support today!

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

This is my experience with the whole bi-polar/drinking issue .. until the issue of drinking is addressed it's not good to try and diagnosis someone with an mental issue. Bi-polar mimics addiction whatever it is .. alcoholism is the one that I'm dealing with in my own situation. The drugs made it worse for my spouse AND it escalated things to the point of not only was he addicted to the alcohol he was using the pills to stave off the cravings.

Again .. this is my experience it is also what I was told by an addictions counselor who I am currently seeing for my own issues as far as codependency, and helping me work through the steps.

Take what you like, Hugs P :)

I don't know what to say about the neighbor outside of redirect him .. my spouse decided to fixate on other things such as gardening, chopping wood, mowing and renewable energy sources .. windmills to be exact and solar power. As far as you being humiliated all I can say is what he does is not a direct reflection of you it def shows his issues at their finest. Anymore than if you were to lay down in the driveway to keep him from leaving to go to a bar or whatever .. it doesn't reflect on him it def reflects on you!

amills4294 · Senior Member

I don't have a lot to offer but I am thinking about you. I have both issues in my extended family. The most important thing is to take care of you and continue to seek support!

Dolly Llama · Senior Member

I ditto Pushka. My AH was diagnosed with narcissistic and antisocial personality disorders...but who really knows which came first, the alcoholism or the personality stuff? Addicts tend to have many personality traits that mimic bonafide personality disorders that require meds, etc. Everything I have read, and been advised by counselors is...you gotta get sober first and get settled down into a recovery program before you can truly see what the deal is.

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

And, I'm agreeing with Dolly and Pushka here. For years when my AH was dry I thought he had at least 2 personality disorders or was bipolar. I had therapists tell me he was bipolar, without having met him so I really had no clue if that was it. Then, I read up on dry drunk syndrome and that really fit, too. My AH was abusing alcohol as a young teen. I don't think I'll ever know if he suffered from the mental disorders first or if the alcohol abuse caused the mental stuff. At this point it doesn't matter, he needs a recovery program first and he has chosen to just be dry at this point. Keep taking care of you!

Oh, and the neighbor thing. UGH! I can totally relate. My AH used to go over to our neighbor's landscaper and tell him to use a broom instead of a blower. He nearly got into a fist fight at the HOA meeting last month with another neighbor. I've learned that what he does is NOT a reflection of who I am. He left that HOA meeting in a huff and, in the past, I would have left sheepishly with him. But instead, I stayed and talked to some neighbors and I really didn't care that my AH made an *ss of himself in front of everyone. It was all on him, not me. At least I've made some progress and you will too!

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

My thought is to think about you. Protect you. If he goes after the neighbor it is his choice, call 911 that is their job not yours.

Forgive me, I don't know if he is using now or not? If he is, medication is moot. Many people who are bipolar refuse to take the med.

They say they miss the highs...

Again this is totally his life. He has to make these choices. We have to think of what is best for us.

I sure hope your counselor has permission to be sharing his stuff with you. I honestly find that inappropriate, especially without him there. But that is me.

I hope you find some peace! think about YOU. love,debilyn

Jennifer · ~*Service Worker*~

I have to ditto everybody. My exAH had all the diagnosis mentioned at one time or another. Evaluating for medication while he was using various substances that made his personality go up and down anyway proved to be really ugly. And in truth all that happened was a new chemical to add to the mix and not in the prescribed amounts which led to even stranger behavior and then massive withdrawls until the prescription was refilled. It was actually a really dangerous situation ... and I was not going to be the medication police for him.

And yes, Ilovedogs, has got something there with his behavior is not a reflection of who you are. You could express that you do not share your husband's view or that you do but disapprove of how he expressed them if needed.

Jen

Fina · Veteran Member

GOD BOX!!! I make a list of my priorities; what's most important, what's next, etc. Then tear the list into little strips and put each one, in order, into the God Box. For me, the neighbors thoughts of me would be really low down there on the list, but I'd still give it to God. What's most important? Your safety? Not getting sued? I cannot take on so much by myself . . . I have to let God have it all, sort it out, and give it to me one thing at a time.

You aren't alone anymore (well, never were) so reach out and please believe me . . . no one will think any less of you for asking for and accepting help. This is difficult stuff.

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