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AF is spiriling out of control. Yesterday he told me he would go to detox today. This am, he had no intention. He left here on foot, asked me where his passport was first. He left walked to the store to buy booze, then came back for a quick second and left again. I know I shouldn't worry and I should detach, but I am worried that he will make a stupid decision and go to Mexico. He is too drunk to think clearly. I can gps his phone and he is on a bus heading to God knows where. Yesterday, there were so many tears about how much he loved me and missed me the last week that he was off drunk. Then today it's all about the booze. It's like he is trying to run away from himself. I am doing my best to let go and let God handle this. God showed himself to me the other day when we found my AF son. I know he is there, but I cannot help but worry about him. I just want him to be well and safe. This is really hard. ugh.
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Katfshh
~The most beautiful sunsets are made by cloudy skies~
the ex A who I was with for 7 years knew exactly how to hook me in on my compassion for him. He was ill, certainly very very ill with a number of illnesses. he once called me from a hospital where he said he was there for a heart attack.
The more I jumped the more he pushed. When I stopped jumping the drama continued but I wasn't in a state of continual exhaustion around him.
Detaching is so hard to do when you're around an alcoholic. I have to practice it to this day around certain people and its always hardest to do when we need to do it the most.
I have been with my AH for a little over five years now. We've gone through alcohol(which always comes back in the picture) to spice and now Im realizing pain pills are a tremendous issue. He thinks he can control it,but he cant. He pretty much doesnt remember the fights when he's under "whatever" influence. When he starts the drama speech,or how can i not care about him I just walk out the door. I use to get more upset but I am learning to detach. I come back from visiting a friend or going to gym (even taking our son to park if he happens to be home) Most times after a few hours he's past out and never brings up next day. Hard not to worry.. YES I have to tur my phone off becasue of the txt he sends until he passes out. I have finally come to live by.. I didnt cause it, I cant cure it and I cant control it. He is in such denial over his addictions that he believes his lies and excuses. The only comments he recieves from me are.. You have to make your choices and I have to make mine and the choices for our minor son. Good luck, take a deep breath and detach and do something for yourself
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..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
When my exAH starts these conversations I look him in the eye and say I am not having this conversation and disappear. I am saving me and not getting hooked and dragged into a useless energy sucking talk with him again. Once in awhile he is sober and able to talk facts and that is one chat I will have until I feel it changes. I am sending you love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
