The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ever go fishing? I have. It's a pain trying to catch a fish. Gotta put the right bait on the hook, gotta keep casting that hook, casting, casting, casting... over and over.... until hopefully, a fish will take the dang bait....
It helped me to look at my alcoholic like that, he's just trying to hook me. He's casting, casting, casting... c'mon Gladlee!!! Just trying to get a reaction from me, it's like a game. And I realized I could win that game when I didn't take the bait. I can see the manipulation for what it is, and just do what's best for me.
Another suggestion from my experience, what I focus on gets BIGGER. I really like Michelle's suggestion, I would get out and change my focus. Choose something that brings you peace. You are doing great!
-- Edited by glad lee on Wednesday 9th of May 2012 07:46:06 PM
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I'm faking it to make it...right here, right now as I sit here writing this on my iphone! I look very detached and unengaged don't I...lol. I even look like I've got my own life to focus on and am focused on my own actibvities. I'm keeping a good healthy boundary of calm protection around me. Not focusing on my partner at all. Neutural responses when spoken to...no agenda...not my business...no expectations...no preconceptions. Phew!
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Ok just been goaded out of my serenity and trying not to bite....or to cry to be honest. Not going to say anything..try to look neutral...don't engage...don't get su ked in Tigger...you don't.have to play that role for anyone anymore...just keep writing...
...seriously, I'm trying to eat my dinner and digest it...my partner is sitting there head in hands manipulating for attention...I'm finding it hard to stay calm......oh they've gone upstairs...thank God for that.
Great metaphor...add this to it...when you're fishing every once and a while you get the hook caught in your own finger. Going in it's painful and then coming out even more so and the reason for that is the barb on the hook. It keeps the hook from coming out cleanly and if it is not taken off it will hurt even more than going in. Take the barb off!! pull the hook out smoothly. The barb is reaction, anger, fear, resentment and all those other things that keep me on the line.
Im trying to detach and not react also.. I slipped up last night(BIG)....but new day (I spend most my days right now preparing myself for what might come in evenings) Im new to detaching.. I had the trying to control down good, but since I had that good and it still wasnt working..I am reading and educating myself.... Some of the things they come up with for attention and reaction...WOW.. I later have to laugh at the inmaturity... I read that whenever you started "using" your level of maturity stopped at that point. That means my AH has maturity level of 12 yr old.... I TOTALLY BELEIVE THIS !!!
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..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
