The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So over the weekend my ABF decided he was going to humiliate me infront of my oldest and dearest freinds...I took the opportunity to do some reading instead of get caught up n his craziness...Best thing I EVER did! I learned so much from what I read.
Actions speak louder than words;
Take care of me;
Protect me and my stuff and finances;
Detachment;
Love myself enough to say NO!
I have a choice
Tongiht I did ALL of these things. I realized that I can choose! And I do...I choose to live my life free of alcohol, an alcoholic and alcoholism in my life or my home! I choose to live the kind of life I want. I choose to live in a peaceful house.
I choose to end my relationship with my now Ex-ABF. I told him just these things and told him it was over! He said exactly what I read this weekend whe would say, " I will be destroyed without you". My response, " That is your choice". I choose to live with out your craziness! His very ext predictable response," I knew you only wanted money, that's why I never got any out of the bank". (He believes I should allow him to use my truck and I continue to pay for it. He was sadly surprised when I told hin he is welcome to use my truck as long as he is agreeable to makeing the payments in ADVANCE, because I do not, can not and will not trust him). Needless to say he did not like that option, so he left walking...not my problem, not my business! He askes, " Why are you doing this to me"? I replied with, " I am not doing anything to you. I am protecting myself, I am taking care of me". If I were doing something to you, " I would not have offered my truck to you, I would have said, figure it out".
I stayed calm and tried to work out a few kinks leading to closure, but he was not interested. So I reached the point where I told him, " Ok fine, I'm done talking. You can leave now" "On foot"?, he asks. How ever you go is up to you. He called his sponsor and wanted to wait in my house for him to pick him up, for about 2.5 I was ok with that until he called me EVIL and the DEVIL! At that point I said, " I will not allow you to hurt me or disrespect me anymore, leave now or I will call the police". He left!
I have never been so proud of myself...I did it! I said NO, meant it, and followed through!!
I the end he threatened me with getting an attorney jto take away the car he bought me as a gift (which is titled in my name alone). I wished him well with that.
Tonight, I will sleep peaceful and wak up in the morning bright eyed and bushy tailed ready to start my new life!
THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU!! I have read more than I have written, and it has made a HUGE difference.
I'm not sure who it was, but some one said that they choose to life with out alcohol, an alcoholic and alcoholism (something like that) and that really hit home!
Your post really strikes home with me this morning. Wow. Everything you have said is spot on for me too. I have no idea how I will untangle myself from my AH, we have been married for 8 together for 10, I am overwhelmed with the thought, but you are right: actions speak louder than words. My AH is really good with the words but his actions of disrespect, rage, lying, embarassing me with no regard for me, well they speak volumes. I realize alcholism is a selfish disease but after 4 years of 'standing by my man' and trying to be supportive, well at some point you just get run down and can't do it anymore. I can't do it anymore either. Thank you for your post, it gives me strenght. Prayers and hugs. sg
Wow! Thank you for sharing. I'm not sure what point I'm at right now but you give me strength just by reading your words and how you stuck by your boundaries and principles. Good for you!
I found the entanglement over the car thing was a huge hook. I know why I helped the ex A with a truck but I really wish I hadn't. At the same time I had two wonderful dogs who fill me with such joy. I would not have them without that relationship. I also have the gift of al anon which I certainly was not willing to consider until that relationship took me to a brink.
I'm glad you took care of yourself. I know tying up all the loose ends took me a long long time.
Awesome! You weathered the storm. Brighter things coming your way!
__________________
Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
Mahalo Betty!! It was shares like yours at the many meetings I have been to and that my sponsor and the program suggested to me that I listen to with an open mind and the promise that I also would find help if "I would follow thru on what you have done and did it for myself." I understood that if I did what you have done which changed your life for the better that I could have those consequences also. That is what happend for me.
If I can duplicate what you have found the courage to do including exercising the courage to do it...my life will be different in a very good way.
I am soooo grateful you brought that home for me and others. Mahalo and (((((hugs)))))
Wow, I'm touched that my words could help so many. It is I who feels as though I have been helped by you!
Update:
I spent 6 + hours last night talking with a very wise friend...learned so much about my situation. Things I needed to know to solidify my decision to take care of me. then this mornig as I am driving down my street my neighbor (where my ex ABF stayed last night) calls me in a panic, "I woke up and found --- unconscience in the living room"...I turned around (thinking I would need to preform CPR) and went back, I went in the house and Ex ABF had drank a 1/5 of whiskey and taken a full bottle of pills. He tried to commit suicide! Just then EMT's got there, I gave them his info and asked do you need anything else from me, they said no. So I got in my car and went to work. I DID NOT lose a days work to sit at the hospital as i have b4.
This evening he calls as beggs me to go see him and guess what I said..."NO"! I love me!
Thankyou for sharing, and telling us what you learnt after reading, and what you expected in his response, this helps others like me who are in a similar position. I have written down in my wee notebook what you learnt, so i can refer to it too. Be encouraged, and all the best to looking after you.Thanks
