So, I just heard a song called A Little Bit Stronger by Sara Evans and in watching the video and listening to the song I realized something...I AM ALOT stronger than I was the first time I heard that song a couple years ago. I remember the first time I heard it I felt this profound sadness cause I was NOT at the place that this song celebrates. That place of facing reality and realizing that I had let my life get swallowed up by my demons to the point that I participated in and accepted for lack of a better word, a lot of toxicity. I didn't like me because I had committed cardinal sin number 1 and that is, I let someone else become the authority on whether I was good enough. Someone who didn't like themselves and only has 1 coping skill for that. Making someone else feel like crap. I look back now and realize I was so very wrong to do that to myself. Anyway, by the time the song came out, the person that I jumped through all these hoops for decided that the person I had become wasn't useful to their ego anymore and so I got dumped. I was broken. I had poured my whole heart and being into trying to be what this person wanted and now all I was, was a pile of hurt, anger, sadness and probably a bunch of other things. So, I heard the song and my first thought was as I said  "I wish I could believe I would feel that way again" Then I got mad..and my second thought was "I WILL feel like this again!" A couple years later, I can go to sleep tonight knowing that I have made a hell of a lot of progress since the first time I heard that song. I am largely independent, I am wheelchair bound for those who don't know. A couple years ago, I wasn't nor did I think I could or would ever be independent again. I have something now that I venture to say may be as important as my physical independence. I have a relationship with the God of my understanding who thinks that Danette is pretty flippin special. I still have my demons BUT now I have a half a chance to slow my head down enough to find someone preferably in program who can talk me off the ledge, so to speak. I don't stay in fear for days, weeks, months, or years anymore. Yes, I still get mad, I still think I am not good enough sometimes but it doesn't last. Thank God. When I think about the future I see hope. I see that there is a place on planet Earth for me and I will get there 1 day at a time.