The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Over the last couple days, I've been presented with information that may affect me in one way or another. I can feel my old pre-recovery self deep down wanting to panic, make plans, ask more questions, make even more plans, and so on.
The point of the matter is, these are situations I'm not 100% in control of and it makes me anxious. There truly is nothing I can really do about the situation in the immediate present, so all I can do is hand it over to my HP and trust that whatever the outcome, I'm going to be okay.
On Friday I found out that my work is throwing around the big "O" word.... outsourcing. This has the potential to heavily affect my department and possibly even myself. There's no sure answers on this just yet, however. I have no clue what's going to happen. It may be nothing changes, or it could be good or bad. Who knows? All I can work with now is that we won't have more answers until at least the end of June, and even then, that doesn't mean any action is going to be taken. So I try to pull out my Al-Anon tools and not future-trip and trust that HP has my back no matter the outcome.
Sunday, I found out from my landlord that she's moving. I rent a studio that's a part of the main house that she lives in. She works for the lady who owns the house and as part of her working arrangement, she was allowed to live at the home rent-free. She resigned from her job, however, and that means no more free rent for her so she's going to move. She told me my lease doesn't change... but I get anxious, still. I know the person who owns the home I live in is a pretty volatile person. My landlord was the go-between peron between myself and the owner. I get fearful that the owner will raise the rent or want to change my lease in some way that is unacceptable and that I'll need to find a new place. I don't know if the owner will change the arrangement on utilities and cable... and the landlord owns the washer and dryer I use... haha... I get fearful I'll have to be hitting laundromats!
So again, though... stuff that is currently not in my control until I'm provided more details and information. My landlord doesn't move out until the end of the month, so I guess I still have a couple more weeks in which she might give me some more details.
This stuff wants my stomach to go flip-flop.
But as I was driving down to work this morning, I just kept thinking about my HP and I just heard my HP say "let it go, give it to me".
That trust thing comes up again and again. Trust my work and my home to my HP.
That's all pretty volatile stuff. I walk on eggshells sometimes too.
If I had to move right now I'd have to rely on other people to help me out and that wouldn't be a good thing for me.
No job is guaranteed but generally it takes a while for people to transition from one system to the next. It doesn't just evaporate overnight. There are usually lots of red flags down the way. A career expert I know says job hunting should always be either on the front burner or the back burner.
The fact is you have managed to get a job and score a pretty nice deal for an apartment. You have that in your favor. If you did it once you can probably do it again. For me as a recovering al anon I expect the world to drop an atomic bomb any time and my life will be destroyed. I expect the worst every second.
Haha - thanks Marise. Yes, pre-recovery me that's wanting to panic is expecting exactly that atomic bomb. :) Just gotta love fear. "Forgetting Everything is All Right"
I love the term future-trip, wow I go on those often, especially in times of major change which has been a lot lately with the move and new job coming in less than a month. It is good that you are so aware of this being a trust issue. You are right to plan and figure out what you can do and let go of the rest. It is imperative for me to read my daily readers and other books if I get spinning on anything that is out of my control. I am glad you came here and helped my awareness today! Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I love the experiences you have shared...will be keeping them close cause I can use them myself. I am also by choice in a bit of the "nether world" as to what can, will or won't happen next. Patience is okay as long as I do patience with HP. Trust for me today is a working word and do word just as you know it. I'm working it now. ((((hugs)))) ,....hoping you're dryer on that side than we are...I'm guessing we've gone over the 70-75 day mark with the ua...plants like it tho.
,....hoping you're dryer on that side than we are...I'm guessing we've gone over the 70-75 day mark with the ua...plants like it tho.