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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Newbie - Need to Rant
Post Info TOPIC: Newbie - Need to Rant
sickandtired


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Newbie - Need to Rant
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Hi everyone, 

 

I'm new here, and basically just trying to find the support of some people who understand. I don't think I'm really looking for answers, just wanting to rant and maybe some guidance from others who have been where I am. I apologize in advance for the length of this post. 

I am 19 years old and live with an alcoholic stepfather. A few years ago, he was getting drunk every night after work, but in 2009 he stopped drinking all together (to my knowledge, anyways) and smoking pot. During the times of his heavy drinking, I did not have a good relationship with my mother for the simple reason that she let herself be walked all over and refused to do anything even though we could barely pay the bills due to his binge drinking. I was upset with him as well because I could see how stressed out that she was by the whole situation. I also had extremely bad anxiety at the time - so bad that I rarely left the house for long periods of time because my anxiety attacks were so bad that they landed me in the emergency room a few times. 

So, he quit. I should also mention that he has bipolar disorder which is normally managed quite well with medication. 

Apparently, his medication has stopped working as of recently because he's been smoking a lot of pot (like multiple joints a day) even though both he and my mother think I'm blind to the fact that he's doing as such. I'm not stupid. He started taking days off of work, multiple days every week. On Friday he came home drunk, after visitng his cousin who's also an alcoholic and basically amounted to nothing in his life (the type who's chosen never to grow up and parties with people half of his age).  Today he went to the doctor who gave him a medical note to take a MONTH off of work, and of course the first thing he does? Goes and gets drunk. Not only is he getting drunk, he is also driving home and he's had trouble with DUI's in the past.

I know with this month long leave that the doctor has given him is going to result in drinking every single day. I honestly cannot deal with this. My house feels like a war zone, you could cut the tension with a knife. My mom and I are already fighting because she's cancelled plans with me to stay home with him (normal occurance).

There are honestly no emotions that could ever express how I feel right now. I don't know what to do. I have no idea. 



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Aloha


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Aloha sickandtired

Thank you so much for sharing with us. Believe it or not, this scenario and the feelings you're going through are all too familiar to most of us here (dare I say all of us). We feel, at times, like we're the only ones holding everything together but at the same time like we're falling to pieces from the stress of it all.

Al-Anon has been a life-saver for me. It has changed many things for me and got me off that crazy roller-coaster of trying to control everything around me.

I would encourage you to get to some face to face Al-Anon and/or Alateen meetings. The general advice is to attend at least six meetings as close together as possible before you decide if the program is for you or not. I can assure you that the people in the face to face meetings have also lived and felt the same things you're living through and feeling.

For a list of meetings, you can visit http://al-anon.alateen.org/how-to-find-a-meeting

Take care, and in the mean time, keep coming back.

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orchidlover


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Of course you are overwhelmed and unhappy none of those things would be amiss given what you are dealing with.

Know you can come here anytime and express yourself and be heard.

For whatever reason your mother is overwhelmed with the disease and that's so understandable.  That disease gets to the best of us.

I'm glad you are reaching out.  This board can help, al anon can help.  Let yourself have one place you can go and be known.

Maresie.



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orchid lover
Breakingfree


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I can relate to your share a lot from when I was still living at home. I am hoping you can get to some face to face Al-anon meetings in your area. You sound like a very mature and wise 19 year old and I am so glad you found us here at MIP. Keep coming back! Sending you love and support on your journey!

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Debilyn


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Hi and welcome!

Well ya made the best step looking for Al Anon! At the end of my share here you can go to that site or call to find meetings near you. We love new people so I hope you will get your body out the door and go!

"Getting them Sober" Toby Rice Drew volume one, great little book.

Does not matter what they do, we cannot control it anyway. Their disease is their own so we can just stop being concerned about it. Let it go. Takes practice. Love the person detach from the disease, it's none of our business.

Then we work on us, not allowing the disease to tear us apart anymore. We go to meetings, we use the tools Al Anon teaches us. Its all very simple but, its work. Learning to let it go, for me I stopped myself from thinking about it. Couldn't change it anyway.

I knew I could not stop a river from running on, no different, can't control his drinking or whatever either. I cannot stop the rain, so it became a matter of the rediculous, no way can I stop anyone from doing anything!

Then we get back to looking at what WE need. If we need peace, can we make our bedroom more peaceful? Headphones and read, listen to music, be on computer. I put little cards all over with quotes I liked to remind me of things as the disease loves to bug us.

I learned to stop the thoughts by saying STOP in my head and putting in a mindful of wild irises. I still do that.

Do you have a job, go to school? I built up my own life, had an animal sanctuary, went to college full time, worked full time. Gardened, went and stayed with friends, went camping with this wild women's group!

We get so involved in their illness we stop our life. Not unlike when we have a loved on in the hospital. We forget about us!

What mom does, just does not matter. That is and always will be her choice. But you could invite her to go to meetings too!

She is caught up in his disease. Living with an A it's almost impossible not to unless you know how to use Al Anon skills, go to meetings, and work on your own recovery. It also helps you to have a better life period.

I learned to decide how I react to things, I learned to not allow anyone elses stuff get to me.

You are more than welcome to come here for years! Hope you come back.

Debilyn



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
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