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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Wondering if I am I trying to sabatoge myself again?
Post Info TOPIC: Wondering if I am I trying to sabatoge myself again?
willowtree


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Wondering if I am I trying to sabatoge myself again?
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I recently applied for a job with a company I am very passionate about.  I didn't think I would get hired.  I think it was exciting to think about working for them but I had no idea that it would actually happen.  It is a work from home job part time, 4 hours a day.  This transition from being a SAHM for the last 6 years to actually having to be accoundable to a company is a big deal to me.  I have always been a good mom and family is number #.  So last week I had to be on the phone alot doing training calls, and I even had to install Skype on my computer and get a web cam ( I am so behind times :)  I was stressing out about everything.  I am trying to live ODAT but it is hard because I am so worried about this job.  I get over whelmed easily.  Lately things with my kids have been really chaotic and my boys have been hitting eachother and calling eachother names a lot.  I feel so terrible about myself because I don't know how to get peace in my home.  My husband told me today that my negative energy and stress is having an effect on the peace in our home and I believe he is right.  I have already told my husband that I may just back out of this job.  He keeps encouraging me to try it.  He says that transitions aren't always easy, but he will be there to support me and help any way he can.  He is even going to buy me a laptop tomarrow so I have one that is strickly mine for work.  I am just scared of this new journey.  I Will have to be really organized and coordinate schedules, t-ball, ect, ect, to make this work.  I want to make the company proud.  The owner even told me that she needs me to be positive and believe I will do a great job.  She said that we create what we are thinking about or fearing.  She is a famous person and so that adds extra stress on me.  I keep asking myself if I can do this.  I know tomarrow has so much skype calls to introduce me with the other ladies i will be working with and more training.   Do I sound like I am being totally irrational?  I really wonder if I am trying to sabatoge myself or if I have legitimate concerns.  I don't like the unknown.  I am sure it has something to do with growing up the way I did.

I am sorry I rambled but I needed to get it off my chest.  I welcome anyone's comments.  I just feel alone and scared.  I know it souds silly probably. 



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hotrod


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Dear Willowtree
 
 
Congratulations on the new job.   Way to go!!!smile. After being a SAHM for 12 years I can understand the anxiety and fear of which you speak. It is normal and very human.
 
 
I as so glad that your hubby is supportive and I would just like to say you will be fine. Trust the Process HP does not give you more than you can handle. Remember the 11th Step We pray for the knowledge of His will and the power to carry it out
 
Pray for guidance, courage and serenity
 
You are not alone


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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Breakingfree


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I am feeling anxiety about my new job and I am moving forward with it and facing my fears. It isn't easy having big changes happen but I am learning to embrace them. Al-anon helps me. I am sending you love and support!

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Bargee


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Hey Willowtree,

I'm only new here and beginning my journey, so I hope my advice isn't too premature or unknowledgeable.

I remember when I applied for the job I have now. I only applied for it because I needed a job, but I didn't think I had a hope in hell of getting it. When I did I was so scared!! I truely thought that I didn't deserve it. Someone told me though that the people that do the interviews know what they are looking for and wouldn't have hired me if they hadn't of thought I was capable of the job and if they hadn't been impressed with me. I tried so hard to keep this thought in my head when I started to panic about it. Dunno if that helps you at all.

I kind of know how you feel about going back to work after being a SAHM as I am sort of (although not really) in the same situation. I am going back to work on Monday after having 3 months off with my new baby. She is 3 months old now. Luckily I am an early childhood teacher so she is coming with me, but I am really nervous too.

I don't think you are trying to sabotage yourself, I think that most people feel nervous when they start new jobs etc and especially if they have been out of the 'workforce' for a few years.

Take one day at a time and just try and enjoy the new experiences and knowledge that you are going to gain.

Yeah it might be really hard some days, but just think in probably 6 months (even less) you'll be so much more confident. Learning a new job is scary for everyone.

Um hope my advice was ok.

Be brave.

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You have to accept whatever comes and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage and with the best that you have to give.
Eleanor Roosevelt
orchidlover


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Work is a real minefield for me. Expectations are so so huge.  I can understand going from one part time work to full time is a big minefield through which its hard to navigate.

I find it very very very hard to be easy on myself.  I get overwhelmed too.  I have had to slow down a lot and take it one day at a time.

I'm more and more aware that is all we really have, one day, anything can happen tomorrow.

Being kind to ourselves is so so hard. When I'm stressed out its hard for me to take a break and give myself care and attention.

Maresie.



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orchid lover
willowtree


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I wanted to thank you all for your kind and thoughtful responses. I really did give this job a try. But I have decided tonight that it just isn't a good fit for our family right now. I just need to focus on me first and my family. I feel like a failure because I didn't give it much of a chance but I just feel very clear (no anxiety) that it is the right choice. I sent in my resignation email to them tonight. I hope they understand. I feel much, much better about it. I feel bad that they have put in so much time in trying to help me get started but I figure it is better to tell them earlier than later. I hope that they respond with understanding, but I have to do what is right for me.

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Dolly Llama


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It's not a failure, it's a re-adjustment. Sometimes we don't know if a situation is right for us until we get into it. You are allowed to change your mind and chart a new course. Whatever is best for your life!

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Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Wondering if I am I trying to sabatoge myself again?