I guess the question is: are you powerless over other people's craziness?  Essentially, yes.  We can step in and try to change the course of things, at great cost to ourselves, but can we ultimately make them more responsible?  Not unless they're little kids.  And treating grown-ups like little kids has its own problems.

But can we control our own feelings about their choices?  I suggest the first step might be to stop watching your AF and his son on the computer.  If they want you to rescue them, they know how to get a hold of you, I'd guess.  And checking his bank accounts isn't helping him out, it's just driving you crazy.

I was convinced my AH had no idea how to handle his life.  He goes through in a shambles.  I knew that if I stopped intervening, he'd be living under a bridge within six months.  When we separated, I almost started counting the days.  It's now years later, his life is still a shambles, and yet somehow he keeps on going.  He's not under a bridge.  When they're left to their own devices, they're a lot more capable than they look.  They may not do things the way we'd choose to do them, but they get by. 

As the saying goes, "He's going to do what he's going to do, what are you going to do?"  What could you do today that would make your life more joyful?  My experience is that those things make the real difference.

I'm so glad you are watching yourself go through this.  I know whenever I rescued the ex A from whatever situation I felt like I was needed.  I think that was about the closest we got to love.  He needed me, I was wanted and I could delude myself he cared about me.  Of course since he's lost in his disease he doesn't care about anything because he's completely gripped by his disease.

For those of us around alcoholism its like witnessing a tornado all the time. There is a whirlwind of craziness and we can get caught up in it at a moments notice.  But what happens is that we get mesmerized by it.

Its normal to worry.  The thing is around an alcoholic there is going to be trouble.  When the ex A didn't pay his storage he had given them my number to call if something happened.  This was really a paradox for me because at that time we were separated. They absolutely count on us to step in and do whatever.  When we don't is maybe when they start getting the message they are responsible.

I can imagine what it is to get those kind of calls.  I've got plenty of them.   I live around alcohlolic there are crises every day.  These days I don't step up.  These days I'm not the person who rushes in and makes it all better.  And not doing that is so so hard at first because my whole identity was based around that.   Now for me it means I am not chronically and physically exhausted 24/7

I'm so glad you are here and posting about what it is to not rush in. That will help someone else see that there is a choice involved.

Maersie.