The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
After 20 years of marriage, I've come to the conclusion that it's time to make a plan to serarate from my AH.
My health is bad and stress is the worst thing for my condition (lupus) and my AH has a habit of coming home late when he's drunk and he's always in some emotional state. He's either overly happy and excited about something or he's mad or sulking or upset and crying. The night before last he was crying because his drinking buddy is dying.
He gets me all upset (although since starting al anon I really don't show it to him) and then he passes out and I'm up all night. I still in pain and sick today from not sleeping the night before last. He never apologizes and when I try to set boundaries telling him to leave me alone when he comes home drunk he acts like I'm heartless.
We are financially ruined and I can't work so I have no idea how I'm going to make it. But, I am trusting my HP to show me the way.
This is so hard and heartbreaking.
I read recently that "Sometimes you don't leave because you don't care. You leave because they don't care." That's where I'm at. He knows my health can't take this, and it still continues.
I have to think of myself, but I'm afraid of being alone and sick...
Get yourself a support system. You don't have to do anything today as far as action. You have every right to do the footwork and sit on it for a bit before you decide what is in your own best interests. It sounds like you know already to turn things over to a HP and go within yourself to listen to the answer. First thing first, just start making a list and start seeing what needs to be tackled first.
I hope you are going to face2face alanon meetings because that is where you will acquire the best and most support. Finding your own peace of mind is what is key, it is not an easy thing to achieve. I am so sorry to hear about your health. You have mentioned it before and I will continue to send lots of prayers your direction.
I am a firm believer in knowledge is power and as you find the knowledge and answers for your own situation you will feel better about the choices you want to or need to make.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Sounds great to have a plan and checking into resources couldn't hurt. It sounds like you understand that A's just aren't able to meet our needs the way we want and so have to dettach or go down with them. I am sending you love and support!
__________________
Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Thank you both for replying. I do know what I need to do. I'm just filled with an overwhelming sadness about losing the life I've known for so long. I'm scared about the future, but I'm trying my best to take one day at a time. I'm also sad for our kids. They love their dad and tend to feel sorry for him so I'm kind of the bad guy in this situation. That's another thing that makes me sad.
I haven't been going to f2f meetings because I have no car at the moment. That's the first thing on my list--getting reliable transportation. Then I will begin the search for a job and new place to live. I have no idea how I will be able to work with my health, but I am praying for the right opportunity to come my way, and for my health to improve as I start making positive changes and reduce the stress I'm under. I know the stress of living this way is making me worse by the day.
My AH is at the golf course today as usual for a Sunday. We have no money, but somehow he always seems to be able to go golfing and have money to drink. I really hope he doesn't bother me when he gets home. I've decided if he does I'm getting in his truck and going out for a while. Hopefully he'll be passed out before I get home.
Anyway. I appreciate your support more than I could ever say. I'm going to watch Joyce Meyer and do some praying about my situation. Today has just been a rough day.
I left the now ex A penniless and without much of a plan. I did find a lot of peace and resolution when I started to make a plan be. I started to look at and plan what I needed to get out. Of course my plan wasn't finite or that carefully crafted because I was like you, in the middle of such stress, constant chaos and pain.
I know I leaned very very heavily on al anon at that time. I also know people really stepped up to help me and make suggestions that were really very very helpful. Know the program is there for you and that so many of us have been through what you are going through now.
