Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> my AS is slowly dying..
Post Info TOPIC: my AS is slowly dying..
debhud


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 54
Date:
my AS is slowly dying..
Permalink  

i haven't been on the board for a couple of years. (AH has been clean for going on 2 years.)  my 36 year old adult son is active.  he has been in the hospital for pancreatitis where the docs told him he had to stop drinking or he would die. his wife left him (with the children) after 15 years of his addiction. and he lost a great job due to alcohol.  he is literally drinking himself to death. he is aware of it and refuses detox, rehab and AA.  he has given up on himself and doesn't care if he dies.

i  try to use the principles of alanon. but i have his sisters telling me that i am his mother and i need to just get him in the car and take him to detox.  that i can't give up on him. i can't just let him die. i have explained that i can not make him do anything. i can love him but i can not make him want to attempt to get well.  (i am a nurse and his sisters tell me to stop looking at him as a patient but look at him as my son.)  they won't go to alanon. i have a stong faith.  i am trying so hard to let god deal with this.  it is hard when i have his adult sisters calling me crying, telling me about the things that he is doing. (last night at 2 a.m. my daughter called me crying hysterically that he was drunk and fell and cracked his head .  that she couldn't get him off the floor.  she said his eyes were rolling in the back of his head and "mom, he's dying.  you have to get him to rehab)

my thoughts are that sometimes god has to let you get so low that you have nowhere else to go but to him.  i feel like i am doing ok for this moment but boy is it tough when everyone is on you to fix it.  gosh, i love my son.  thanks for letting me vent and send a hug my way.



__________________
debbie huddle
hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:
Permalink  

Dear Debhud

I am so very sorry that this dreadful disease has invaded your home once again.  I know only too well the pain of having a son who relapsed in his recovery and could not/would not  regain  soberity.

Watching  a loved one destroy themselves is so very hard.  You are in my thoughts and prayers. 

Try to up your meetings and keep coming here  you are not alone.. 



__________________
Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Jerry F


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 13696
Date:
Permalink  

 

Aloha Deb...good to have you back.  Your post is good detachment.  Maybe a phone call to the local AA Central Office to see if they have recovering people who make visits and speak with the oppositional defiant drunk.  Anyone can make that phone call.   In support (((hugs))) smile

 



__________________
Grace7


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 112
Date:
Permalink  

Dear One, I can't imagine what you are going through right now.  I too have an A son, and no, we are not to that point.  I did have a drug addicted (crack) son, and turned him into he police as he had a warrant out on him.  He was dying, before my eyes and I Had to throw a life preserver out to him somehow.  His short time in jail was enough to scare the He double eck out of him.  Today, he still thanks me for that.

I've lived with the A who has been in and out of treatment, only to appease those around him and still uses and drinks.  Its a miracle he is alive.  Note, he has the largest belly=largest liver but that has been noted along with the alcoholic varices.  So, I've witnessed the exercise in futility in trying to get them help as well.

I've heard both sides expressed from the "experts" on this subject.  The one that did catch me, was "Folks, Unless You Do Something....get them into detox, rehab by doing Whatever it takes, your loved one WILL DIE and there are no do overs!!".  That was after me embracing detachment for so very long. 

You have my prayers for wisdom, strength to carry out what that wisdom from above says (without you putting on your little god suit....do a check there....something I think we AlAnoners need to do). 

Here is a Big Hug. 

 



__________________
Temple


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 971
Date:
Permalink  

Dear Debbie,

That has to be gut-wrenching.
I notice that while his sisters are also adults, they demand that Mom must do something.
You are so powerful in their eyes.
My heart goes out to all of you.

Hugs,
Temple

__________________

It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread.  --Gray Charles

 
Breakingfree


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3972
Date:
Permalink  

It sounds like you are working a great program! I am sending you love and support on your journey!

__________________

Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3653
Date:
Permalink  

Everyone has this covered.

I wanted to send you love and support. It is an awful thing to have a child so sick.

Just hit me, if it were me, I would tell my loving daughters, don't you think if I could help him I would?

Let them drag him to rehab, then they will feel they did all they could. Besides it's not that easy to find a bed anyway!

You are very strong, they just don't know anything about the disease, bless their hearts for caring so much.

I am so sad for him and all of you. Believe me my A is in the same place. I tried doing all that I thought I was suppose to, learned the hard way it was all for not.

Keep coming, we all care so much! love,deb



__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
orchidlover


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1036
Date:
Permalink  

You know this is so very typical. When I was around the ex A I was ranting and raving at his mother and his brother all the time. We fought and fought about what we should all do.  Nothing happened.  I took so many sides and had such resentment against his mother and brother for a long long time. Really they did the best they could.  Of course detaching when you are in the middle of this is near impossible.

There are people on this board who are very experienced in these kinds of actions.  There is also a chat room you can go to anytime day or night. I've found that chatroom very very helpful.

I think one of the things I don't do enough of is pray.  I pray for people that really are causing me so much distress.  That helps.

 

Maresie.



__________________
orchid lover
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> my AS is slowly dying..