The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
which is good for me im trying to stay as busy as i can,but the hurt is still there
i miss his loveing
sounds ensane for me to be even saying that after he gave me std
and he didnt clear his up but now he got his std while we were broken up the 1st time for a year ,im talking crazy and thinking crazy now this is why im here on this board i even ran and made an appointment with my counselor yesterday to talk to him about this he knows about it and says i need to stay away from him,i know this too but its getting harder especially when no man will even give u a smile or nothing
my ex a/d gave me winks and complimented me and lots of tlc
i loved that
i never had that in my 4something yrs of my life
wow
just dont know if i can ever get or find that kind of love he gave me agin without the drugs and alcohol.
do i need brain surgery here ???im thinking i need to be shocked or something.im thinking if i can talk him or get him to go get the medicine for his std. that id take him back agin,i came soo close in messeging him ealier,1st time i actuallly went to his facebook and looked around on it ,and saw where him and his boss man had went to a concert a real good one.ive got to get myself together here ,yes he could kill me,he use to be a needle sticker innerveiness for yrs on delaudas and he has hepc i know and it became active yrs back cause i took care of him his fever rose to 106.for 3 days and he isnt or beleive in any recovery and i know that he is if he aint could be carrying the hiv germ because he is or use to be a needle sticker and with the other desease he is carring around ,i guess im lucky so far i never gor the hepc my dr checked me for it when i told her he had it,but theres always that 1x that i could get something from him .i know im a very sick person here and need yalls help plz.all the esh i can get and advice......silent,im getting weaker
-- Edited by silent on Saturday 5th of May 2012 05:54:59 AM
It will take time, longer than 3 weeks, to work through your grief. Losing a relationship is tough...but you WILL love again, and be loved. Hopefully by someone healthy. Winks and compliments and TLC do not make up for the crazy stuff alcoholics can do. I know it's hard. I do. Think about the potential pain that would come from getting involved with him again versus the immediate relief of your temporary vulnerable feelings. Why don't you make a list of other stuff you can do when you are tempted to contact him? A meeting, phone a friend, brush your teeth, go for a walk, do some pushups, post here...whatever...anything!
But I think first a little attention to yourSELF would be in order. You are not weak, you just don't sound like you have much self love. Have you been going to face-to-face meetings? I know we say that a lot around here, but truly...meetings can help fill the gaps of loneliness and while you are healing.
And I would strongly advise blocking him on Facebook so you are not tempted to go cruise his page. That kind of behavior will keep you in turmoil. Keep the focus on YOU and work through YOUR feelings...go to meetings....life will improve and you will feel better. There is no shortcut.
These are just my suggestions. You know what is best for you and your life. Lots of hugs...
-- Edited by Dolly Llama on Saturday 5th of May 2012 06:54:24 AM
-- Edited by Dolly Llama on Saturday 5th of May 2012 06:56:14 AM
-- Edited by Dolly Llama on Saturday 5th of May 2012 06:57:02 AM
__________________
Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
I second what Dolly has mentioned, .. especially about facebook .. it's just not worth the drama and all it does is drags a circle.
My experience recently has been it's just best to love them where they are at, if and when they actually get sober and stay that way .. not up to us. That's between them and their HP, if they even want to go down that road.
Experiencing MY emotions, experiencing MY life, experiencing things that make ME happy that's what I have had to really focus on and it's not easy.
It's also been said when I get busy I get better .. sooo .. I really am trying to put first thing first and continue to be busy. It's all about focus on me and not staying stuck.
It really does get better one day at a time, .. just hang in there.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
3 weeks is a good start!!! Keep on talking here and to your counselor. As has been suggested, it would be best to block Facebook and find some good concerts and movies that you would like to attend and then go.
Meetings are also very helpful at meetings I learned not to PROJECT into the future. I continue to live one Day at a time trusting HP for my happiness.
You are worth love and kindness trust this process.
Someone complimenting you is not love. Someone winking at you is not love. With Alcoholics and Drug addicts, the affection they dole out has a price and it typically comes at the cost of manipulating everyone else around them. That is not love. It's not healthy and it sounds like you know this. As soon as you start feeling good about yourself, you will be amazed at how you will attract better people towards you.
This board is great but finding an in person Alanon meeting could help when obsessive thoughts about him begin to creep in. You'll feel less lonely with others who understand. You could even get a few in person hugs if you are ok with that.
I think the last things you wrote in your post are very powerful. Can you live without him? Definitely! :) TT
__________________
Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Hi there Silent, I have felt lost and alone many of the times my exAH left me. I thought I was unworthy and all alone, then I found face to face Al-anon meetings and I read many Al-anon books and started taking care of myself and learned to stop obsessing about him. I now have a life like I never dreamed possible and it took time and Al-anon and MIP to help fill me up. I now take good care of myself and stop waiting for someone sick to do it for me. Get to meetings and counseling,,, keep posting here and in time things will change. I am sending you love and support!
__________________
Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Aloha Silent...I'd say (from experience) that the attention and support that you have received here is love...unconditional, steady and without limit. The alcoholic cannot without help from other recoverying alcoholics hope to give or even know why he should give you the same kind of acceptance.
Without the similar experiences those of us who are members of the Worldwide Fellowship of the Al-Anon Family Groups have we might only be able to share the pain and not the recovery.
Your condition is temporary...if you want it to be. If you keep doing the same thing over and over again you will get weaker and sicker. Our bottoms are much more painful than the alcoholics' because we don't have the anesthesia of alcohol to block out reality.
