Alcoholics are effectively insane.  When I took that on board, the inexplicable became more understandable.

Say your boyfriend had suddenly been hit by a car and taken in a coma to a far-away hospital.  Or abducted by aliens.  I would think the best thing to do is whatever you would do if that had happened.

It is very dangerous whenever our solvency, happiness, and even life is dependent on one other person, I mean one person apart from ourselves.  The religiously-minded would say that that's making that person your Higher Power.  And of course no one on earth can be a Higher Power.  But it's also giving them power that we need to keep for ourselves.  Many of us (maybe all of us) have done it at one time or another. 

But clearly your boyfriend is in the grip of alcoholic insanity.  And the truth of that is that the majority of people never come out of it permanently, and if they do, it's on their own time.  We need to make our lives peaceful and stable whether or not they emerge from their insanity.  And that is very, very possible. 

You have logistics to cope with and also the emotional impact to deal with.  For the emotional impact (which we shouldn't underestimate), Al-Anon meetings are a lifesaver.  I hope you can find one today.  Some people start with 90 meetings in 90 days.  They say to go to six different ones before you decide, because they're all so different.  Those people have been in your shoes, and they'll know exactly what you're going through.

For the logistical issues, please do not despair.  If you're like many of us, you will look back at this as your "bottom," the time that your life turned around and finally started to head toward real recovery and peace.  I don't know what resources exist in your community to tide you over till your next paycheck (friends with sofas?  emergency grants from churches? homeless shelters?) or whether you could quit your job and go back to your family.  But you can get through this.   There will be lots of wisdom here and at meeings.  Please use these resources all you can and take good care of yourself.  Hugs.

I wanted to go to a meetig tonight, but again no money for gas to get there.

I see that all of this is in sane! And perhaps I am hitting my bottom, becasue I just don't think I can do this. I know that it is possible, but I'm tored. when my own life is in jeapardy and is in the hands of someone who cant take care of himself, I need to take control of me and mine.

<<< this is all I have done for weeks now...bow my head and shake it in disbelief...I don't want to do that anymore.

I remember being at the point where I felt my ex-A had completely ruined my life. He put my house in foreclosure, ran up all my bills...alienated me from family. That is what they do. They don't do it on purpose per say, it's just something a sick alcoholic does...that is often how they muddle through life. They seem sincere and they often mean well in what they say, but they use people and leave a trail of wreckage behind them wherever they go.

I would hit an alanon meeting and search for a sponsor ASAP. To start living in the solution to this situation, you have to break up the problem into smaller manageable tasks.

Prayers are with you. You will get through this....but not by expecting a sick alcoholic to suddenly start acting like a responsible adult.