The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today has been a Tough Day... I attended a Furneral service the last two days for a dear lady that I knew from early on in my childhood... Tho she will be Missed Dearly, at 83 with all that was goin wrong, I would much rather her be with her HP then suffering here...
I Grew up with her Grandkids when my Parents were still together we were raised as Family not as Neighbors... And Thank God above we still treat each other as so.. Our Mothers were best friends & we were together all the time... Going back to my Hometown today and reliving so many of those Wonderful Memories, has truly enriched my life. My Smile, My Humility of how we all got thru...
I took the Long way around to the Service so as I could Ride by my Old Farm House, just to steel a couple more Memorys... Last year the Place burnt down so there isn't much to look at, but it still takes me back... The Apple tree I Swung in, or Hid In Which ever the Case may be that day! That was the Best Toy God Ever Gifted Me! That Apple tree was my Saving Grace in many of Tense Moments once my parents were on the Down slide too addiction...
I'm So Grateful that I am at a Place that Even tho seeing it always brings me to tears... Going back always knocks me sideways at times, but at the same time, it reminds me where & what I came from, and keeps me Grounded...
My Husband who is probably the Oppisite of a "People Pleaser" (Out side of work) Doesn't Understand My Desire to Miss Work & go to a Service for a Lady I have seen 2 times in the last 2 decades, that isn't even "Family"... There was a Time that would Really Upset me... I'm Grateful It does not any more...
Because of Al-Anon, and the steps, & work i have done too "ME" I can now See His Side, Respect it, Accept it... and Give it Back to Him...
I am Finally at a Place were I don't have to Explain Why I Love someone... And Its OK if He "Don't Get it"... It was My Past, My Childhood, My Memory's...I get it ;)
To Accept that HP has the Wheel has never been Easy for me, and I Still have moments I will Look up and Say "REALLY?"... But then the Next Best things Comes along & I'm Right where I'm Meant to be... All Over again...
It Felt Nice today seeing a family I loved so Dear, Still Show that Love in Return, and Feel that Love in Return.. Knowing Our Memory's are there, and we Can Laugh about them regardless of how Crazy/tough they were at those tense moments in our lives... My Family was One of Addictions from the Start... Theirs Not so Much... But thru it all, we are still a Family... They Know most of Our "Dirty Little Secrets" that most family's try & deny, and yet still Love us as we are! That Means something to me...
When i got here, My LIfe was about Controling Every moment till the next one comes along that looks like it needs my help as well... Now My Life is about "Life" and Making Chooses for what that Next best thing is going to be! And if It Changes Mid Stream, well then We Adjust the Rutter & Keep on Keepin on... To the Best of my Ability...
The Gr.Son of this Family could not be there for his "Nan's" Furneral, because at 40, He "Finally" Found his Way to Rehab for Herion... He has Not been there Long, but he Completed his 30days clean and is now stayin in a 1/2 way house Out of State, and doing Really well.. So Its Progress..I don't know if it will Stick, but for now I'm Grateful of his Effort... I know what these 12 steps can do, if your Willing to want that Change.. i Just Pray he finds himself at that place, for himself & his Children that have never had him in their lives... Because of His Addictions...My Prayers is all I have to Offer, but sometimes that all that is Needed from me...
Thanks for Letting me Share... Thanks for Helping Me Find Clarity, Humility, Love & Fellowship... It Truly has Enriched my life, working these steps... And Mainly... Working on ME with HP .... "What a Journey it Continues to Be!"
I am so very sorry to read of the loss of your friend. I will include her in my prayers.
I love how you have summarized the power of this program and how much it has enriched your life while still enabling you to have compassion and understanding for those who do not walk the same path.
I too am so very appreciative to alanon for the clarity, humility, love and fellowship I have found in these rooms and on this Board
What a wonderful post about how you got through so much dysfunction that for so many of us led us to the path of addiciton. I am now looking at that the ex A had so many charactor traits my molestor had. He was charming, an inveterate liar and such a manipulator. The ex A could charm the birds of the tree so could my former molestor. I have had such trouble coming to terms with that man and his role in my life no wonder someone so similar came across my path.
These days thanks to al anon I can look at these parallels without paroxysms of self hatred but a knowing that is something akin to wisdom and an acceptance I thought would never come. When people mentioned acceptance to me when I first got here I was absolutely furious!
I am so glad that you got to have closure on this significant relationship in your life. I know my mother and my father's death were at times when I certainly could not have gone to the funeral. Dealing with dysfunctional people was not in my skill set then. I think now that would be a very advanced skillset indeed. Now I can see that sometimes I have not been equipped to deal with certain acts and forgive myself for them.
I appreciate your kindness and compassion towards those in recovery. I hope I can get there at some time. Right now I look on those early in recovery with wariness and lots of boundaries. Perhaps in time I can feel acceptance, love and understanding towards them.
Thanks for your beautiful post. It was truly a gift to hear the program in action in you loving words about family and our families of choice such as Alanon and your neighbors from childhood. I'm sorry you lost someone so dear to you. She was very lucky to have someone like you in her life too. TT
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Friday 4th of May 2012 06:42:45 PM
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Of course Aloha Sister!! You've been doing some major growing up and it looks and sounds sooo good on you. You remember the little girl and the apple tree and family and I remember you coming here looking for a chance to grow up and get well and here you are again. Mahalo Akua...Thank you God for this miracle I hope the grandson gets to hear it some time also. Mahalo for bringing it home Jozie...((((hugs))))
and is now stayin in a 1/2 way house Out of State, and doing Really well.. 
