The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The first is a story of victimhood. I know for me, plenty of unacceptable behavior was directed at me. I took it. And I volunteered for more. A while later in recovery, I sat cozy in my victimhood until I eventually realized, victims do not recover.
The second story is one of responsibility for my choices. In the past, I let choices be made FOR me, which always makes me feel like a victim. Today, the goal is to be the author of my own life, I am responsible for MY LIFE. But I need the steps (and a fabulous sponsor) to help me know myself so that I can OWN what I'm doing that causes the suffering, and begin to do something different.
This post is a great reminder of watching our thoughts.... In early recovery, after a meeting a member came up to me to caution me to watch how I tell my story, my story of, "I lost everything." He said to me, "Consider everything you gained spiritually." Wow, from that very day, I no longer believed I had lost everything.
Sometimes I have to write out my thoughts, so I can see what's circulating in my head. Our self-talk is very, very powerful. Great post!
-- Edited by glad lee on Wednesday 2nd of May 2012 06:50:46 AM
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I'm a little bit confused - is what happened the same in both cases? I don't see how some situations can really be "I left B." and "B. left me" at the same time. But I think I'm not understanding something -- ?
LOL!! It's all about perception of the situation thanks Gail I appreciate it!
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
So very true. I think it was already said here but how you tell your story comes from how you view your story. If you believe things "happen TO you" with little or no control over them, you'll be ripe for victim stance. If you believe we are a part of all of our choices and experiences and they all teach us something we can walk away with and learn from, then we are empowered.
I have great empathy and admiration for Iyanla Vanzant. Have you read her autobiography by any chance because there was certainly a lot of drama, chaos and victimization in her life story.
I think its pretty important for all of us to be accepted where we are. If we are in the middle of living with an active A its pretty difficult to get to the point of saying I "chose" to do this.
Right now I do make active "choices" about who I embarce and who I welcome into my life. I don't think that was an option before because of my history and my not having the skills to do anything else.
I'm really happy with where I am right now with the "choices" I have to make and the challenges ahead of me but I don't think I could have been anything but I was in the past.
Certainly there are times when I feel powerless these days like when a check doesn't arrive when it should but I know I can detach from that.
I'm sure in years to come I'll see my relationship with the ex A as a turning point but I can't say I am at a point where I can embrace it as anything less than a total chaotic nightmare.
