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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Gossipy Supervisor
Post Info TOPIC: Gossipy Supervisor
tiredtonite


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Gossipy Supervisor
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I'm just trying to get this message posted before I leave for work.  I could use a little feedback.  My boss has helped me to assist a team member.  Although I don't work directly for him, and do work directly for her; he is management.  He and I had a meeting yesterday and most of the hour was spent listening to him boast about himself and point out how he has to keep others on track (the "I'm only one man") deal.  Poor him!  By the time he was done, he had made it seem that only he could save the day and thank goodness he is there too.  I didn't respond or react to his exaggerated statements about our coworkers.  I felt like I was trapped behind the closed door of his office and given his rank in the company, I couldn't say, listen buddy this is counterproductive, I have work to do, see ya.  At one point and unrelated to his gossiping, he said he hoped I wasn't put off by his directness and I suppose a little fear of him and wanting him to know he didn't intimidate me, I said I appreciated his candidness and had no problem with his directness. He then went on to try to coerce me into contributing skills (high paid skills) to the organization for which I am currently not being paid.  I was prepared for this because when I had left a large meeting with him weeks ago, I got a sense from our conversation he was going to try to utilize me this way.  I told him I was new and hired for a different role and not being paid for those particular ideas. Additionally, I told him were a position created of that nature,  I would then consider whether it was a fit for me or not.  I said at this point with only two weeks there as a permanent employee, I had been a temp, I was getting use to things, getting to know who is who and what other people do.  I would make a decision as I went along what's a good fit for me concerning future opportunities as they came along.  He went on to gossip about the pay grades of others (giving me the inside scoop).  Honestly, I wasn't sure what to do since he is a member of my team, holds a higher grade position and I was told to do work for him by my boss.  I don't know what he brings to the company at this point and whether they are aware of his behavior and don't frankly care but I will have to meet with him again on my own and handle this as best I can.  I am considering trying to steer him back to the work at hand but this time that wasn't possible because I was there for him to present me with work.  If anyone has been in this position of feeling held hostage by a gossipy supervisor and has some feedback I would greatly appreciate it.  I can't afford to repel this guy yet I don't want to be his pawn and dumping ground for his personal frustrations.  Thanks for listening.  TT



-- Edited by tiredtonite on Tuesday 1st of May 2012 07:22:54 AM

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Jozie


~*Service Worker*~

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(((((TT)))))

I too have dealt with Gossipy Supervisors/Managers & Such... Of Course I didn't handle them as Well as I Should have only because I Didn't have program then...lol...

I know from my Own Experiences that if it got to the point that I Was running behind because of their Drama, I did have to let them know that My Work Came first & there Problems maybe they should take to the next rank UP! I don't mind helping someone however if my own Work is Falling behind then I am being no help to myself or them...

I will send Prayers of Support your Way, and I am sure with all the Tools of Al=Anon you may find a couple that work Wonders on a Fellow like you decribe...

I know I too was a Gossipy person at some point in my Life & I work Very Hard Not to go back to that behavior... But sometimes it helps me to realize that I was once were this person was... So what in life Made them this way! Not that Its My Business, but it does Open me up to the idea that Maybe I'm the Only person they have to talk to, and if that is the case I am Still able to set boundrys that doesn't make my work day fall behind ;)

Please take what you like & Leave the Rest...
Friends in Recovery...

Jozie

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pinkchip


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In my experience, you can dig yourself out of those situations and save face at the same time. It goes like this "Wow, thanks for all the info...I better get back to work or I'm gonna be swamped." Sorry I don't have more time to chat." And then you have to do that time and time again until they realize you are not the person to blab to. If you felt you needed to shmooze him to get a job or a raise...yeah, that sucks and maybe you might want to make like you care what he has to say more (even though that's kind of manipulative and wrong but this is the world we live in), but otherwise, it would seem you would probably not have repercussions by a quick affirmation that you get what he is saying and then following up with your escape (yeah escape lol) clause.

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tiredtonite


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Thanks for the suggestions jozie and pinkchip. Now that I've experienced a one to one meeting with him, I think I'll be more prepared for next meeting and have an exit plan.  hugs TT



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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
orchidlover


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I don't know there is an ideal place to work so far I have not found many.  I do find work a very difficult undertaking.  What I have found useful is to have a sponsor I go to with these kinds of things.  The answer isn't always generic.  I think its personal to what's going on in our lives. Sometimes we have to work at places we don't "fit" at for a while until we find the right fit.

Maresie.



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orchid lover
tiredtonite


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Thanks maresie.  I think that's true of workplaces.  My sponsor has been going through some terrible upheavals in her workplace and our sharings have been very beneficial for us both concerning expectations of ourselves and others at work. I'm very grateful she's in my life.  TT



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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Debilyn


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Hi dear TT.

I have always been so honest and open,not always good.

Never feeling anyone was above me, that we were co workers probably made things lots easier for me working in the school district.

To me it is a sin to gossip, I mean for me. To thine own self be true fits here.

Now that you know how rude he is...I would simply as you said, not respond to his talking about others and say something about the work at hand as if he did not say anything. We don't have to allow others to control us.

Myself, if he just does not get you don't want to hear it, I would say,"I really like to stick to my work, I am a better worker if I am focused on that." I am thinking to give his bolony any attention, encourages him to keep it up.

You are a very attractive, competant woman, don't rule out he may have another agenda dahling....

You my dear are quite a lady. huggen ya, debilyn



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tiredtonite


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Thank you, Debilyn.  I like the response you would give him very much.  It's straight to the point and hard for anyone to argue with.  After all, we do go to work to work wink   LOL about the other agenda.  My boyfriend raised that concern too.  I appreciate the complement - you made my day biggrin Hugs  T



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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
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