The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
One year ago...approximately.. I attended the office of a psychologist in tears, ready to kill myself and not knowing how my life had disintegrated to the point it was at.
I thought I had it 'sorted'. Great husband, great life. Then... my husband relapsed into pot use/drug addiction.
We were married in the September and he relapsed a couple of days prior to our wedding. How did this happen. By the January I was ready to walk. By the April I really was over it as he had stopped/slowed down and then started again.
Wow.. one year... In that time I have changed psychologists, started here on these boards, read so many books it aint funny, found a spiritual belief again, been diagnosed and helped for Borderline Personality Disorder, accepted that I was abused as a child and as an adult, and fallen back in love with my husband.
This Miracle in Progress is certainly progressing.
This April I am smiling and laughing instead of crying and rocking in the corner of my lounge room at 2am. I am not thinking of killing myself to make it all go away. I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.. and it aint a freight train haha.
I have a long way to go. I still find it very difficult to go out and leave my husband alone. I have a massive need to control every aspect of my environment. I have resentments that need to be addressed.
It has been a big year and it is amazing what I have discovered and accepted in that time.
My inner child a year ago was not even recognised, then after a while I realised she existed, then she was noted to be peeking in the door, now she is tentatively walking into the room. I can talk to her and she is actually starting to talk back to me.
Here's to the next year. I can't believe it has been a whole year since that first day I walked into that counsellors office saying.. I need help
It's amazing how time flies but also amazing at how quickly we can heal when given the right tools. Thank you for sharing, missed seeing you around as much so I hope things are going well for you! Hugs!
Last September I gave myself one year to decide what I was going to do. I had been here and in counselling long enough to realise that I needed time to make me right first before I make any major decisions.
I made a choice to stay and be happy in my situation for 12 months and work on ME and see how I felt and what happened in the year.
I have 4 or 5 months left to make that decision. My husband has not smoked since early January but I know he will again. IN fact it is a given as we are going to Europe on holiday in September, and that will include Amsterdam....
In September I will re evaluate what I will do.... I am not going to pre empt that decision or what may or may not happen.
TODAY, I am happy and content with MY life. He may be stoned when I go home, he may be hungover from being stoned earlier today... he may be straight, he may be drinking....
I am going to go home and see my cats and my dogs, work out whats going on with my motorbike (fuel issue I think), and maybe walk my big dog... I know what I am going to do...
This board gave me that insight... and I thank every person that stuck with me since last August when I started here.
