The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, I'm back to Alanon - should have stayed in... Famous last words! My aso of 17 years and I had a great group in Houston, but I was transferred to Dallas 3 years ago. We still have many of our friends from the rooms there (AA, NA, AFG), but I am rarely there due to travel. Anyhow my then 17 yo daughter left home 3 years ago to stay in Houston and go to college. She came home in December and I knew something was wrong - I could tell but lied to myself. My aso has been on suboxone for the last 3 years (they keep her on it bc she has major neck problems - 1X broken and 3 surgeries). She kept telling me that my daughter was high but I did not believe it until she hit a parked car at 65mph in February. We put her in rehab for oxycontin addiction (her d.o.c.) by threatening her with police (they didn't arrest her bc she was hurt). She stayed 2 months and just went to sober living in Austin and I am very proud (she got a job and sponsor in first 10 days), but she is still a 17 yo mentally and has no life skills bc I always "did" for her as I felt bad for raising her in a home with my aso high or drunk. Anyhow, I thought my aso was ok, but following a surgery in March she started taking higher levels of suboxone - or I thought that's all it was. Did I say I should have stayed in Alanon and found a new group here in Dallas? :/ Blah, blah, blah... So yesterday I returned home from a trip and found out she definitely has been abusing the suboxone and also is taking 10 to 20 soma (her d.o.c.) every day. I am especially upset bc she has been very hard on my daughter while she was using. In truth, a lot of what she has said about my daughter is truth - not enabling, not loving her to death - but I also feel she is the biggest hypocrit and liar ever (go figure, an addict lying)! Today is my 46th birthday and I honestly don't know if I can or want to do this again with her. She is very dependent on me, both financially (which is okay if she's clean) but also for mental and emotional support. I feel guilty bc we moved her away from her group for my job, but I do know she could have found a new group here - she knows the deal and I know I am not ultimately responsible for (or able to cause, control or cure) her addiction. Does anyone know of any groups in the Dallas area that will not ostracize me bc my aso is a female, too? We are not weird about it - no pdf's etc. - but this is still Texas. I loved our old groups because it was a club that had AA, NA and Alanon pretty much all day every day (or at least one of them at mot times). Thanks for reading.
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Be as kind as possible for everyone is fighting a battle of some kind.
"When all you have is a hammer, every problem is a nail."
This is a great board and I'm sure you will get lots of support here.
I cannot help with a particular group but I understand your partner has a heavy drinking problem or drug problem. However which-ever you have the need to look after yourself and work towards serenity and sanity ....and as you have found in the past Al-Anon works for you.
It is very difficult for you, with a teenager who has much to learn about consequences of her actions.
Please search out alanon Face to Face Meetings in your new community and begin to attend.
The tools, and the connections with those who really understand truly helps on the road to healing. You know the message, this disease is progressive and deadly. Focusing oun yourself and your recovery will bring some peace and clarity to your situation
