The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
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Very helpful- thank you! I went off on my adult daughter last weekend because she went out of the country without giving me a head's up. I had to find out from her roommate where she was when she didn't return any of my calls or texts over the weekend (which is very out of character for my daughter). Now that almost a week has gone by, I'm starting to realize that I might have over-reacted- I had just served my AH with divorce papers that Friday before the weekend and was in a very vulnerable emotional state. And my daughter does not know yet that her father and I are divorcing. I think that getting upset with her was my way of dealing with my own insecurities. Hopefully, with time, we can get back on track and the issue will be put to an end. Right now, she will only communicate with me by text.
-- Edited by Green Eyes on Friday 27th of April 2012 10:30:52 AM
This helps me so much when I'm fuming, frustrated, depressed. Makes me take a step back. Sometimes I am upset with myself for having been lax and letting a situation develop that could have been prevented.
Sometimes it is displaced anger--it would be too scary to be angry or upset with That person or That situation, and I don't want to face it, so I take it out on a decoy.
Just the thought that, as strong as my feelings are, they might not be founded on absolute bedrock truth, is often a great relief.
Or something might be going on here that is different from what I think. How liberating that can be. Hope this might help someone else.
Hugs all around,
Temple
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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
Yes, this is helpful and I also use it when I deal with other people who blow up at me or treat me with disrespect. I remind myself that they probably aren't really 'mad at me', but are probably just having a bad day. Unfortunately, I have a hard time applying this to my qualifier but have no problem applying it to strangers as I always give them the benefit of the doubt. I take things too personally with my A and it gets me into trouble and puts me into codependent behavior.
My Mom used to give me her wrath pretty regularly when she was stressed at work or mad at my Dad, now I catch myself doing it with my kids and I stop and apologize as soon as I feel it coming and can even tell my kids I need a time out for awhile and take a walk or a long hot shower. I am less easily set off these days, but I still have my moments and I belief awareness is half the battle and putting it into action is the other half. Thanks for the reminder, I needed it today! Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Always a great reminder and I thank you as it's timely for me. I often use this before ushering a boundary for my kids. I generally take a step back and say "what is the main issue in the problem here (rarely is it the direct behavior)" "what - if any - is a good boundary to set right now?" Then I allow myself as much time to decide as I want. What the kids hear? "I will address this when I've had time to think it through". What they think inside? "Crap she's going to come up with something major"
Exactly, which is why my sponsor taught me to work a step 4 inventory to investigate EVERY time I get a resentment.... every time! There is much more going on than the surface "wrong-ness" of things. I get to know myself, and discover my new choices!
p.s. I love A Course in Miracles too, thanks for the post
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I agree with Glad...the inventory steps; 4 and 10 are very very important. I get to know myself and keep myself in check or balance. My job is me. (((((hugs)))))
What a great message for today, reflecting on what the reason is for my upset, which changes more and more each day.
The last 6 months have been filled with a web of deceit, so there's lots of strands to choose from! Of course, the scary, more complicated ones at the center are the ones I'm afraid to approach, so the outer lying strands are where I've focused, but it's going to be time to face them sooner or later.
