The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
There is a new person in Alanon who is wanting me to go along with her beliefs. I have learned that alanon is each our own recovery. She has been gossiping about another gentlemen in there too. No 2 people branch off into there own little clique. She seems to want to seperate me and her from the group in some way. It makes me uncomfortable. Should I just ignore her or tell her how it is? I want to be kind and get along but she is becoming a little strange and I don't like it. Does this happen in alanon? I just want to keep recovering and mind my own buisness and learn from others in the fellowship.
You say she is new to the program Many times newcomers do not understand the way a successful alanon group functions. They often try to operate in the group as they have done all the time in the outside world
It is up to the old time members to gently model acceptable behavior and offer suggestions as to how to become part of the group.
It is in alanon that I first really learned how to practice the alanon philosophy
I know when people start acting in this way (someone did this at work recently) I have to acknowledge its a "trigger". My family is a hive of gossip, intrigue and drama. That's what I know. Being around that was hugely upsetting for me. I was always trying to get people to see my way and to act differently towards me.
Now I certainly have a situation like this at work where people gossip, make up stuff, and form cliques. For me its the huge test of people pleasing because I want people to like me and I want to be in charge of everyone being happy, snappy and most of all appreciating me. The reality is that doesn't happen too often (although I'd like to think my dogs have a fan club).
The trigger for me is my family of origin. Of course the only control I have is my reaction. As much as I would like to tell them like it is I don't.
The actions I take is not to gossip, not to rage (at least not in public) and not to over react. Do I over react, sometimes but nothing like I used to. When I do i talk about it with someone (i.e. a sponsor).
Having a sponsor can be a great way to unravel these kinds of things. I think its really easy to say things like mind your own business but really hard to work it. In fact sometimes it is my business what people are saying because I have go gauge very carefully how I am going to react to it and how I feel about it.
Walking the talk is a real tightrope the joy is when you fall off you get back on it again.
