The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
my a/d b/f just put his facebook statis from being in a relationship with me to being single soo i went back and changed mine back to being single too,my eyes just started tearing up when i went into my face book and saw that he had done that ,wow why should it even bother me in the least bit and y didnt i already do it??guess i was still trying to hold on to bits of threads that werent there and he just got tired of me not callinghim or responding to him,it does hurt though,i wished we could have made it really,i cant help but wonder if he has done anything about his std,ill prolly never know i just want to go somewhere and bawl and scrawl my eyes out,wished it didnt have to come down to this really i do,i just dont really know what to think or do now,i feel like im almost crippled without him he was always fixxing anything that went wrong here in my home ,oh well what can i do but nothing he wants to be free i figure so he can spread his desease around who knows,plz i need esh now for sure it was a huge shock to me seeing that on my facebook....hugs and more hugs to all of you silent.i just thought of something,ive got 3 bags of his good clothes and boots he needs to work in all bagged up and sitting in my downstairs liveing room, now what????im such a weak person ,knowing he is gonna be wanting them and id rather just throw them in the dumpster but what would get me ?prolly a heck of a something out of him iwouldnt want.
he never had and dont have my facebook password,he is just on my facebook listed as a freind .i wouldnt dare ever give my password to him i knew better than that .i dont really know what he is up too,i know he lives with a contol freak boss and my ex a/d b/f is getting just as controlling but he used me for a long time to.i just put a stop to it all.no more dealing with him or his mom thank gosh.-- Edited by silent on Thursday 26th of April 2012 04:13:44 PM
-- Edited by silent on Thursday 26th of April 2012 04:15:40 PM
-- Edited by silent on Thursday 26th of April 2012 04:20:43 PM
Isn't he just confirming that he's not a person you want to be with? What he's doing is certainly not what a mature person with some recovery would do. (And it sounds as if it would help to change your Facebook password so he can't get in to it. Who knows what else he could monkey with?)
I know when I've felt terrible when my partners and ex-partners have done awful things, part of it is mourning for the loss of the relationship, and a lot of it is mourning for the loss of the fantasy relationship we could have had -- the good relationship, the one I actually needed. The one they never would have been able to give me.
I guess we're brought back again and again to the basic truth -- "He's going to do what he's going to do, what are you going to do?"
This is indeed a painful time. Each confirmation of the loss, brings new deeper pain I do understand. Feeling it, coming here and sharing it, praying, meetings, all help to lift the sadness.
As far as his clothing is concerned: Al anon suggests that we examine our motives to determine our right actions. Remember to place principles above personalities and you will make a positive choice.
One Day at a Time new Avenues of help and friendships will open for you.
You are not weak. You are here reaching out. You are not crippled without him...you were crippled with him. Just because your relationship with him felt hopeless, you are not hopeless.
I had to block my AH on Facebook because it was too tempting for me to look on his page, did he change his profile picture, etc. I was not/am not able to have him in my orbit in any way and keep my serenity.
Do what you have to do to take care of yourself. You are stronger than you think. As for his clothes, is there a neutral place you can put them where he can pick them up (without having to see you) in X amount of days before you donate them to Goodwill? No need to hang onto them.
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Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
I can relate very much to wanting to know what the ex A was doing after I left him. I missed him tremendously. There were lots of threads left undone. I also remember yearning for him.
By the time I left the ex a physically I was so exhausted yet I still missed the domesticity we had. I recently saw a lovely you tube film of a soldier being greeted by his dogs. I really encouraged our dogs to make a huge fuss of my ex A when he came home. At the same time I know now I would never have him back in my life under any circumstances. I dont yearn anymore. This board was so helpful to me when I was in that place.
you are not weak. You are having a NORMAL reaction to a difficult break up...
Sometimes I wish people would be more honest when they are feeling fragile emotionally...so when we go through it we wouldn't feel like we are CRAZY. Please know that you are reacting as we all do to loss. Cut yourself some slack, easy does it.
Know that you are moving through something...this headspace you are in is not your final destination, but a phase ...
Do for yourself what you would do for a dear friend who was feeling sad.
I have blocked people on facebook that disturb my serenity also. I also have to check myself when I'm spending too much time on the computer/internet in general. Go do something nice for yourself silent. There's a big world out there and a lot to enjoy with or without this guy. Devastation and misery is unnecessary. Choose happiness.
I know that it's easier said than done sometimes, but being busy does help.....ALOT.
