The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I love the post, I totally relate.... it was like, things had to build up to a major crescendo in my life, something HAD TO GIVE or, like you, I was going to "be smashed to bits" before I FINALLY paid attention and did something different for myself. I'd shake my fist at Higher power for not helping sooner, but I eventually discovered, choices were always there for me. I just wasn't ready to change. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt, I had to be more honest with myself.
I love this program because it's taught me how to give myself some honest attention, and to my resentments. Inventory pointed the way so I can see my behavior patterns and hopefully, practice something different when the next time pops up. My experience is, it always pops up again, the universe seems to want to make sure I really mean it, lol! Awareness is so key.
My sponsor believes her breast cancer was Higher power's way of making her slow down, to pay attention and get honest.... we can make ourselves physically sick with our resentments and lack of self-love.
I am admiring how you took care of yourself, Maresie, you sound really good. I've had to "detach at all costs" sometimes as well, like, "I still love you, but I love me too. Just for today, I will be a better person over here."
Our boundaries can be flexible, change-able, and even removable ((hugs))
-- Edited by glad lee on Thursday 26th of April 2012 02:43:03 PM
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I'm been out of the house I lived in for 4 years a couple of months now. I lived around active alcholics and addicts in that house and it was an absolute nightmare.
Needless to say since I had limits and boundaries they didn't like me at all.
I live just down the street from the house I lived in a half a block away. I make a huge point of not engaging with people there. I'm polite but I'm not over involved. I have also made a point of not visiting anyone there when I've been asked. I generally find that pretty easy to maintain. I know where they are all going and I don't need to have a front row seat.
Living around that kind of chaos, uproar and constant crisis was and is draining. Boundaries only saved me so much. I had to reinforce them so much it was like a war. I also had to deal with my own unremitting resentment, exhaustion and fear. That is so so draining.
Of course what came out of that experience are my commitment to boundaries, need for simplicity and devotion to my pets. I also came to learn to stick up for myself in a way that I never could before without drama, purposeful and most of all calm and collected. What's more I am absolutely self reliant these days. I used to always be asking for help. Now I do most things myself. I recently asked a friend for something and when they couldn't do it I didnt mind because I am used to doing most things myself and I also made it a very small thing.
Good things can come out of ordeals. For me boundaries didn't come from my family of origin or even in years of therapy , they came when I was absolutely up against a wall and would either be smashed to bits or change.
orchidlover wrote:Good things can come out of ordeals. For me boundaries didn't come from my family of origin or even in years of therapy , they came when I was absolutely up against a wall and would either be smashed to bits or change.
Thank you Maresie, I relate to this so much.
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"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am for myself only, what am I? If not now, when?"
"Be happy for this moment, this moment is your life."
I love and can so relate to this. I used to blame my A's for my misery, then one day I realized I had options to live a life outside of the chaos that I waas making my life to be. When it hurt so bad I thought I would cease to exist I too made different choices and am so much better for this program helping me to see beyond my misery! Sending you love and support Maresie!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I can't say I'm in the greatest of spaces where I am right now. If I had money I'd move to some place else but I don't. I also have two dogs and a cat in tow which makes it hard to rent.
In time I am sure something else will open up for me. In the meantime I am pretty boundaried, have low expectations and really work on being resilient.
