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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> going for restraining order
Post Info TOPIC: going for restraining order
rara avis


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going for restraining order
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Hi everyone,

 Update: My lawyer saw the picture of the television "gift" my ex RA left onmy street and advised that we can and should move quickly onto upgrading the stay away order to a regular restraining order. This is such a frustrating situation, as everything seemed to have run it's course, my life was back to normal -  and now my exRA starts acting up. I feel like I'm being dragged back to hell. 

 I still wonder about "live and let live", since the ex has not LITERALLY threatened me, but I see no way out of this escalating stalking. This is so stressful, I don't want to sit hear moaning "poor meeeee", but I'm posting because I know so many of you have gone through similiar situations. This is a place where people get it. Apparantly I am " doing all the right things, " including trying to maintain normal activities and joke around. I don't show the fear in public, but inside I am terrified. 

 I am sure this will be resolved. The thick of it is right now and  I am so grateful you guys are listening. Bless you all!

 

rara avis



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AStrongerMe


~*Service Worker*~

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That sounds like a wise choice. Praying it goes smoothly as possible for you. Keep safe.

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Debilyn


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Oh dear lady I am so sad you are going thru this bolony!!! Its awful to feel afraid in your own home and for it to be part of your life period!

YES do come here and vent, we all need that! I don't know your situation but I tell ya my having dogs in my house and my guard dog outside with his budi has made my life sooooo much better. I am not kidding.

Has he gotten a strong talking to by anyone? Sometimes it has to come to that, someone who he would be intimidated by to let him know this uno has to stop or else.

I am tired of being a victum and actually don't allow it anymore. I didn't even care if my landlord was upset I got another dog,well two. I want to feel safe! LL's were really great anyway.

praying you find your serenity! love,debilyn



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Pushka


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At this point listen to the lawyer. It sounds like you are doing what you need to do for your safety.

Hugs P :)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Jackie11


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Sending lots of support your way, and hugs!!!



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likemyheart


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I went back and read everything about his escapades and it seems to me like he is testing the boundaries of the stay away order - I don't know much about them, what do they entail? Does he face jail if he violates it? what are you expected to do if he violates it? Can you have him arrested for coming to close? If you can, and you don't, then what good is the order? A restraining order, i imagine, will be the same way - unless YOU don't act to enforce it, nothing is going to be done. Too creepy for me. Keep us posted please.

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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Breakingfree


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Sending you love and support as you go through this!

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

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" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

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rara avis


Senior Member

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Date:
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The stay away order is a 100 yard "bug zapper" zone, I like to call it, plus no stalking and harassing. He's moved 4-5 blocks away and in addition to literally sitting 100 yards away from my house [ I swear he must have measured ] has broken the stay away multiple times now. Bleah! A stay away has no consequence barring "contempt of court", but at the time that was the best option. Now we're trying to go for a restraining order, which puts him on the police system and gets his guns taken away.

He has few friends and no peer pressure, there are very few people who could intimidate him. A bunch of big dudes glaring at him would probably help the most, just by sheer numbers, but unfortunately I've found that who wants to help and who doesn't want to get involved is a crap shoot. There seems to be some "bro code" going on. I completely understand not wanting to get enmeshed in a local domestic situation, this is a large but tight knit surfing community. I don't want to be embroiled in these stupid politics either. It's embarrassing. My exRA is just raining down the metaphorical poo all over :P At the same time, barring restraining orders I really am stuck and could use the peer pressure.

Bleah, I hate being the "damsel in distress"! Am still not ruling out voodoo ;)

xo
rara avis

ps thank you!!!!!!

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Pushka


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That bro code can change especially if they witness things going on that should not be .. I know for me .. I'm the crazy wife so poor hubby Mr Nice Guy .. wait until the other side flips and it's going to happen it's only a matter of time. Believe me they show their own butts as time goes by. Him loosing his guns is NOT a bad thing. Thankfully, my exFIL went into his house and took them after the DV incident .. that was HUGE relief for me. He refused to give them back until a much later date and time.

Hugs it does get better, so glad you are putting your safety first if you don't no one else will. I am a firm believer in the only thing you can count on is the unpredictability of their behavior.

P :)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Breakingfree


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While contemplating the voodoo don't forget to lean on your HP, He is where the serenity is at! I am glad you are moving forward and have a good lawyer! Sending you love and support!

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Mattie


~*Service Worker*~

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So glad you are getting this dealt with.  Sending you much support.



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