The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
A- brother has returned and is tapping everyone for money again. I had voiced concerns some years ago but have been told by family members how he was doing just fine. Some years ago he lived with me for 8 months, never paid a dime for food or rent, really burnt me. I find it hard not to be angry still. Guess I'm finding it hard to separate the man from the disease. We don't speak after he bad mouthed me to a sister in law and told people that he had not stayed with me.
In many ways I should be grateful because it started my own recovery and I looked at my own drinking for the first time. I started recovery the following year for the that. I did also make contact with alanon through this board.
I think I am just finding today hard, I have an unstable work situation though we have worked our butts off, am behind in studies, have a difficult situation with son who is in trouble, I know that this too will pass.
Detach with love works for me , love him but set boundaries for your personal relationship with him . i f other family members choose to support him that is thier business as it has nothing to do with you .. good luck Louise
Detaching with love did not come easy for me, and at times, I find entangled again through old habitual thought patterns. But I wake up, drop the thoughts. Place those crazy-making thoughts back onto the conveyor belt. Then I'm back to detachment with love & a peaceful heart.
Like anything new, it takes practice and faith.
First I believed detaching with love was possible. The believe was in my head.
Then with time and practice, the belief transformed into faith, which is located in my heart.
__________________
You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
My family of origin stuff is pretty deep. Some people around me say well let the past be the past but the brother/sister/mother/dad stuff is right embedded like in my dna.
If I'm in certain situations all that comes boiling up. I don't know that it will ever go away.
I have had my share of stress too. Luckily for me I am now not in a position where I have to deal with an alcoholic in a close relationship. I weigh those choices very carefully.
I hope you will do good things for yourself. My attitude towards the alcoholic is that I like to know what they are doing but only on the periphery only so I can maintain the boundary I have set up.
