The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
its 5:21am my time been up since 1:30am went to bed at 10pm oh well been very bust this early moring i managed to put one foot in front of the other and get in the shower which was much needed and read my scriptures and lotion my feet and legs and watched a gr8t movie on tv thart was very inpireing and did alot of praying,now if i can keep all the good work up is thie thing and hardest thing,i missed last nites meeting for i came down really sick with the crud i guess is what it is,did a breathing treatment,and lots of vicks,i do need all of yur input here as to what i can or may expect out of my ex a/d as ive still got him on my f/b as in a relationship and his still remains the same too,im avoiding him with all my might,he prolly thinks we are still in a relationship,lol ugh what what what do i do ???any suggestions plz are welcome here,,,,,,hugs and much love going out to all of you,,,,,silent and shy
Good morning silent seems your doing a very good job already of taking care of yourself, keeping busy is a good thing, i use that tool when my thoughts start to wander and I want to try and get in someone elses head to try and figure out what I think they think, very futile really and exhausting too, had to learn really hard not to project easier said than done but possible with practice, silence can be golden used in the right way, but I love the saying we are as sick as secrets, shareing them with people that understand help to make them shrink a little, have a great day.
Sounds like you are doing the things that you can. I find that when I used check up on my exAH it just sends me into a spiral and I am an obsesser by nature. Make it to the meetings you can and keep coming here! Sending you love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Personally I have times when I deactive my facebook account not because I am concerned with what people say/do but because I get too much email on it. When I was obessed with the now ex A enough to look at his cell phone, go to his friends looking for him, call his mother, whatever that kind of simplicity wasn't possible for me.
I do understand the obs ession with the alcoholic. I also understand that there is recovery. We can and it is possible to get better.
I worried a great deal about the ex A when I left him. I imagined all kinds of things. What I've learned is that he had his own back up plan. His life when I left him was far from hard. He had it all mapped out what he was going to do. He found other people way before I was gone to enable him, take care of him and feel sorry for him. In the past I would have been really really upset about that because I do know he undoubtedly lay all the blame for the relationship problems on me. Now I know I don't have control over that. They will believe whatever but if they're around him for any length of time they'll discover he's an absolute die hard addict hard wired to nothing but the disease.
I feel for the people who got landed with him. He took a car which was about to be repossessed to them to hide. He lay all kinds of stuff on them and they didn't feel they could say no but then he was counting on that. Alcoholics and addicts are incredibly successful at manipulating and being liked most of the time. They can spin a great great story but that's all part of their obession with the drug/drink because that's the most important thing in their lives while they are in it. Nothing else matters, jail, death, whatever pails beside that absolute obsession rules and they are oblivious of the pain around them.
The issue for me became the cost of the disease on me. I couldn't control, cure or dig for the cause of it. So I had to surrender to that. For me the surrender felt like I was dying because I was greatly invested in that relationship. But the surrender hasn't been about "leaving him" or being left by him. The irony is that it is incredibly hard to leave an alcoholic because they tend to hold on to people who enable them. They absolutely count on our obsession with them.
For me I can live absolutely in fear, what, how, when help. Or I can live putting my foot one foot in front of the other, having a general purposeful existence going about my life in a calm, orderly way. I have to practice taking it one moment at a time sometimes and I also have to practice believing that when other people suggest that its something that might be tried, rather than denied.
