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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> May I vent a little?
Post Info TOPIC: May I vent a little?
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 3653
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May I vent a little?
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I made a mistake. Hurt my bad leg, Got badly cut up on my calve. I am taking care of it with betadine etc. Shoulda went to er but it's too far away.Besides I have been vetting a long time.

Anyway of course I don't feel the best. Still doing what I need to though.

I know it's the same old thing but geez this is how loving an A can do to your life.

It's been 31 years my first husband was killed from being drunk and was in a pedstrian accident drunk.

We were both very innocent, happy,loving adults who loved our kids.

Well here I am that many years later and still have nightmares about him.

I took a nap and it turned into a deep sleep. I dreamed I would wake up and he would be there next to me and I would feel so happy and say I just can't believe this! Was so real. Did this five times.

Then in the dream he did come home but got into another bed!I was so upset and told him how I was feeling so happy from my dreams he was in bed with me. sigh then it went onto me trying to find him.

I woke up in pain, sad and this is when I feel the aloness so hard.

Addiction freaking ruined so much of my life. I find happineess,love God, his nature, people. But there is always this underlying knawing of pain and sadness, no one really knows but those with in our mip group.

I am so grateful for that.

Just pretty awful when the only time you see your true mate, is in your dreams and nightmares.  ugh. love,debilyn



__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Katy


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 717
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I hear you Debs, and I sure don't see this as a vent though, just the honest daily struggles we are left with when we have loved an addict, it makes us strong it makes us tough, but make no mistake there is nothing easy with or without it in our lives, on good days in my life I couldn't wish for a nicer husband, but there are still many days when I wonder who he is and where he goes, it's a bizarre kind of uncertainty, how powerful that all these years gone by our dreams still can play heavy on our minds, you know how truly loved and respected you are here, the benefit of your struggles help so many of us, I am sending you lots of (((((hugs)))))))) just a thought is there any way you could accomadate human people animal lovers on short breaks, with you to give you the company, and them the benefit of your wisdom? mwah

Katy

 x



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Katy
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 3653
Date:
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dang erased my share.

Katy I have a family 15 min away who I met when they adopted my pot pig when I left my place to come up here. I get to get my farm fix going there almost every sunday now after my meeting. I love it. I have a little goat there,Cleo who is white with brownish orange spots who follows me around.

Heidi the gal there is like me, we yak and I trim hooves for her. I love it. It wears me out but its home to me.

My friend tom, only friends, my choice completely, comes and visits and I go there. If I need something he usually is there. I am there for him too. His older son is a bad addict and beat him up one night. tom came up and I went right down there and told this kids to get out of toms house. Tom had been abused by his dad all his life and tends to take it and hope it will get better.

This time I had had it and made the choice to take care of it. After facing this huge guy, 27, I had him so riled up he jumped out of his window and had called the police on himself!!

Now Tom has a victums advocate, and the kid stays away. Sadly kid made a threat, sent someone to toms house, tom answered the door and got pepper sprayed. rrrrrr Now he protects himself.

Anyhoo I have friends in my town where I grew up, two for 45 years! Another 35 and more shorter times. We went to lunch a few weeks ago.

After I shared here Katy I went to bed and prayed for someone to live with me, I would love to love someone. i mean married. I would love to marry someone who believed like I do. or close.

you are so right. I do need more one on one with people in my life. But for me living far away from town is essential. I don't like anyone telling me what to do. I mean a fence can only be so high, you can only have two dogs, cats cannot roam, can't park a vehicle in front of your house and on and on. Then ya gotta hear all the neighbors bolony. AND people steal your flowers and whatever else you have outside!

Up here I can have a quard dog, and his friend and my other 6 dogs inside and on the other part of my property up here. I can go lay naked outside if I want. lol

sorry to yak so much, you made me think and you are so right. I think we have al anon in my tiny town down the mountain. I don't like driving up here at night though. Very treacherous in a few places. People drive crazy and use their brakes a lot!

Al Anon has helped me by how I deal with this one A neighbor. I decided if he wants to assert his venom again, passive/aggressive, I am going to pretend I cannot hear him or see him and walk away.

Pm me and tell me what you are up to now! hugs and thankyou big time. deb



__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
GailMichelle


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1230
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Hi Debilyn,

Sorry for your deep feelings of pain.  However, in my experiences the deepest pains have brought me gifts:  lessons on wisdom

Here's a suggestion:

When you have disturbing, painful dreams, such as you have had, ask yourself, "What is the lesson here?

I ask and then get busy with doing other things.  Eventually, the answer or answers come and I recognize them immediately.  The recognition is more of a feeling, as in an AHA moment.

I can recall 3 recurring dreams that I used to have.  They always were quite disturbing and one even had me actually cry while I slept.

But when I learned to ask what the lessons was for each dream, I was amazed by the answers.  Each answer brought me understanding and peace beyond my imagination.  They were lessons I needed to learn in order to have more peace & happiness in my life. 

Just a suggestion  smile  It might not make any sense to you at all.  That's okay.

Enjoy your life dear lady.  You have such a independent spirit and good heart. 



__________________

You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light.  Lama Surya Das

Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die.  Malachy McCourt
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