Oh I so hope someone responds with "did we ask?" haha (that's my sick twisted humor sorry).

That thought just popped in my head so I went with it.  I'm one of those flighty artsy fartsy people who embraces their ADHD.

Interesting that "I'm good" would pop into my head though.  Saw my therapist today, he's thrilled that I'm hanging out here, reading books, looking for a meeting, still digging into all my codependency/boundary/etc books.  We discussed RBF and he had that raised eyebrow look on his head for a bit.

Then I said "thing is, I don't need this relationship to be anything right now.  I'm in no hurry, making a friend, building even more personal skills and I'm ok with it.  If it ends tomorrow it was fun.  If it lasts a year or more, how awesome is that?  I'm done defining things in one way.

His jaw hit the floor and he said 'now we're getting somewhere'.  Then I remarked that I feel so calm right now and he (love him he's so animated) threw out the finger with "I see that, you are the calmest I've ever seen you".

We talked about my kids, my horse (my kids have special needs of a variety so I generally discuss them and progress I'm making with boundaries, etc) and life.

Then had to put up a boundary with my son again (those kids, always making sure I"m on my toes) and I did so with love, caring and he responded with spewing vulgarities in text.  I ignored it and moved on with my day.  In a past life, I'd have analyzed his reaction, felt bad that he was experiencing discomfort and wanted to provide him an "out".

Not only did none of that happen but not once throughout the exchange did I feel responsible for his actions or feelings, angry with him or anxious/uncomfortable with my exchange. 

I'm not sure I recognize myself.....

And I've never really had the thought "I'm good" about myself before.  I spent a lot of years in guilt for the stuff my kids went through, the divorce they experienced, my own dysfunction in the marraige, etc.  I always felt damaged and didn't think I could ever be a confident parent.  Perfect? OMG no.  I make mistakes I just don't think they are catastrophies anymore.  And I make amends.

I think then of all the caring I see here, for new, old and in between.  How there is no judgement for wherever the person is and really - we are ALL good.  Believing it is a lot of the battle.

I've really come to admire everyone here (new, old and inbetween) (disclaimer I'm not referencing ages LOL).  And I've learned so much already.  Invaluable things I could never thank each of you for individually - but as I add to my process new tools, new understandings, I feel calmer.  It's nice.