The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am curious about ESH on creating balance within fear which may or may not be legitimatly based. My ex RA has become a master at skulking the borders of the stay away order. He has broken it once, obviously. Other times, I can't prove but have definitly seen him nearby. He seems to have moved 5 blocks away and has been circling closer. I see him when I'm walking the dog, going to the store, driving by, you name it. Flowers on my doorstep on his birthday, literally sitting 101 yards away, etc..I think he has measure how far 100 yards from my house really is.
In general I have been feeling increasingly peaceful until this recent escalation. I have literally had no contact since September [ barring lawyers ] and been living my own life. Because he has not literally threatened violence, a law office advised that I have to wait until he escalates further in order to have a clear cut case for an upgraded restraining order.
The idea of waiting around for an exRA guy on mental disability, who lives 1000 yards away, stays up for 48 hours at a time, blames me for most everything, and owns a shotgun, to escalate his actions further, is not exactly rocking my boat :P
He has not been violent but this escalating stalking is making me very afraid. It is frustrating that I have to wait for him to act like a bigger psycho before I can get further help. I am having trouble trying to balance practical action with fearful reaction. I am wary of too much drama, but also do not want to poo-poo a possibly gnarly situation. I am craving the peace I was just starting to get, back in my life!
For me .. no one should have to live in fear, at the same time the worst prison we can create is one that is self made. Pray pray pray to your HP and ask for protection as well as giving your ex over to your HP and letting him go. Always know your surroundings, always be aware of where you are at, there is no need to walk through life looking over your shoulder. Knowing where you are at and your surroundings is always a good idea. When my ex and I split up, there were random young women with long dark hair who drove white cars (of which I had both) being shot on the freeway. He was not a fun guy and he owned guns as well. Point being I can tell you to this day I know where he is only because it gives me peace of mind. He was physically abusive when I left him. Nothing ever happened after I left him, there were threats and there were many harassing phone calls.
Paying attention, not reacting to the things he's doing to goad you, if he gets a reaction he will continue to do what he's doing as a negative reaction is better than no reaction. I'm soooo glad you have a order of protection in place. I would document what he's doing the times and so on just in case you do need to go back to the lawyer or courts that you have something that states this is when things are happening.
You know .. and again this is me based upon my own life experience taking a self defense class is not a bad idea as a single woman anyway. It's good to know how to protect yourself if necessary and it falls into knowing your surroundings, knowing how to keep yourself safe, .. so in my mind self care.
Keep taking care of you, be aware not fearful, document, document, document, hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I wonder if a women's shelter would have more specific advice about strategies to shake him. I'm sorry to say that for some people it takes changing their jobs and moving, sometimes across the country. Sometimes it just takes "disappearing." And sometimes they just move on to different things. But when to decide what is tricky. I hope you can get some local support for this. Hugs.
Big scary dog and an alarm system! In all seriousness could you move? My exah many years ago told me a very scary story about drinking himself into a blackout and he came to a block away walking to my house with a gun in his hand. He got sober for 2 years after that but now been drinking again for many years. It was many years ago and I rarely think of it, but once in awhile I am reminded he is not always stable. I do not tell you my story to try to scare you, but to tell you don't take him stalking your area too lightly. I am sending you love and support.
-- Edited by Breakingfree on Tuesday 24th of April 2012 09:33:22 AM
__________________
Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I definitely have not reacted when I've seen him, I do not want to give him that power nor do I want him to have power over me. At the same time, I am not his mind reader [ and thank goodness! ] and feel the need to take additional safety steps. The Jedi Mind trick is balancing the no reaction/practical action :P
This situation does illustrate the point that the law in these cases is not about crime prevention, but dealing with crime after the fact.
On the silly side, when I see him or learn more uncomfortable news, I jokingly ask the universe, " WTF HP?!"
The best program suggestion for me, was to do the best I can, just do the "next right thing" as I believe Higher power would have me do. And then humbly rely on Higher power. Let the fear be transformed into faith... Higher power is always in support, right?
__________________
The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
fyi this morning there was an old tv sitting on my xstreet [ 150ish yards away ] with the words, " I love *rara avis * " spray painted on it. In a way it is fortunate as the world can see that my ex is acting like a psycho.
I'm copying papers and going to the police to ask for another emergency protection order. I put on my favorite dress and boots because I figure if I might as well look great if I have to muck around with this awfulness!!!
Thanks for the wellwishes, this is so hard, I'm really trying to keep my chin up. xo rara avis
I'm thinking that should be enough for someone to go hmm .. something is so not right about this situation. So sorry he is so close at this point and time. I also agree he's certainly leaving all kinds of crazy for the world to see.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
