The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
After Christmas I didn't have enough work to sustain me so I asked the retail store I work at on the weekend for extra hours. They didn't give me any (well one doesn't count for much) and I was pretty upset. They had a new hire from Christmas they heaped the hours on. She got a ton of overtime too.
After Christmas in retail is usually a pretty quiet time so they used that to justify not giving me the hours. Fast forward a few months and now the rehire has taken off (without pay) for weeks at a time. By now the store is really short staffed and they asked me to do some more hours. Keep in mind this is after I went to the union and asked them to ensure I got more hours and the management took 5/6 weeks to give them to me (in the meantime the new hire got all the hours they wanted).
I know in detaching I have to make this all none of my business and its pretty hard because I am hard wired to the victim role. I've worked it out so I am not so dependent on the store for money but still extra hours for me are always welcome.
So now the store manager is asking me to come in for extra hours because the new hire has taken off somewhere. Meantime I have had no raise for over 20 months. For me the quagmire is feeling like a victim, feeling lost and not knowing what to do with my resentment because of course I don't get to take off and I was so so desperate for the hours back in January. Today I decided if I don't get a raise I am going to set a date to leave by and/or get another part time job.
I have not come up with the timeline yet but obviously its not this week.
Sometimes these are pretty murky waters. Of course I could make it all about the new hire and how she got just what she wanted but obviously its actually all about me and my life. Whatever she does and the store manager permits her to do is none of my business. And how hard that is even to consider!!!!
I hear you This program talks easy but walks hard. You are doing very well and I commend you. Sharing, reasoning it out, finding our part and then deciding on an action-plan is huge.
Hi. Life can be so unfair...and so can people!!! That's one of the things that really gets in there with me, and pushes every button I've got, so I can relate.
But I have to remember that people have all kinds of agendas and motivations that I don't know about. And that helps me de-personalize things. My auto response is to assume their actions are based on something to do with me. Who knows...your manager may have the hots for this new gal and wants to give her hours and leeway to impress her....or any number of other strange reasons. Tthat doesn't mean you haven't been treated unfairly...which you clearly have, but it doesn't mean anything at all about your worth as a person.
You are worth it. :o)
Tigger x
Yep, when it comes to money and supporting oneself, it can feel trite to say "One day at a time," lol. Do what you have to do to ensure financial success for yourself. I have found, sometimes, that when a door is closed to me, I wasn't meant to walk through it anyway. I think coming up with a plan or deadline is good. Ask for that raise, put your request for hours in writing, etc. Think of all the options available to you. No, you're not a victim...and just because your job doesn't seem to value your contributions does not mean that you have little worth. Praying for a solid resolution for you and tons of prosperity!
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Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
Sorry you are going through these difficulties. I used to work retail too and I know it can sometimes feel like petty highschool dramas all over again. It sounds like you are being treated unfairly. I'm going to paraphrase Dolly Llama and say that if this door is closing, you should look for a window I'm proud of you for coming up with a plan and setting limits and deadlines. Do what you need to do and trust that it will work out for the best in the end because your HP is looking out for you
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"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am for myself only, what am I? If not now, when?"
"Be happy for this moment, this moment is your life."
Another woman (admittedly she has been there for a while) has made sure she gets some dream hours (no weekends).
I know she is free on the weekend because she came in to have lunch with someone who was leaving.
The thing is I have to go one thing at a time. I have a tendency to go all out to change stuff in my life and I've learned it is one thing at a time.
I set limits these days. I am no longer a doormat. In fact I'm not exactly popular with anyone because of my limit setting. I guess when your outlook is people pleasing the result is being treated like a doormat.
