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My 7 yr. old granddaughter called me, she went back to her dad's on the 14th. after spring break. I spoke to her since then, but when she called me Fri. I asked her if she had talked to her mom since she went back to her dad's she said no her mom's wasn't answering her phone. I realized then her mom's phone is still dc'ed. I told her to call her brothers cell phone and ask him to have her mom call her. I called her brother and told him to have his mom call my granddaughter, he is 17 and needs to be reminded because he was away from home when I talked to him. Now I'm wanting to make sure my daughter call her daughter. I'm also having negative thoughts about my daughter ie: what kind of mother is she when she has to be reminded to call her child, when she has access to her sons cell phone (I've him on my plan), and it's been x amt. of days since she left. It's so easy for me to get caught up in her stuff, I'm tempted to go her apt. and tell her to call her daughter. I hate to see my granddaughter in so much pain of missing her mom. My focus today and to let go and let God!
Highlyfavored!
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Just go a step at a time, one day at a time. And you'll find a rich, thankful life you never thought you could afford.--A Rogers
As an adult child of an addict/alcoholic mother, I am all too familiar with the lonliness and pain your granddaughter is experiencing.
I can only tell you what I would have loved to have had when I was a child and my mother was nowhere to be found. I would have loved to have someone, anyone there to listen to me. I woud have loved to know that someone cared. You have no control over what the kind of mother your daughter is, but you do have control over the kind of grandmother you can be.
No one can ever take the place of a mother. But as a grandmother, you are in a position to provide your granddaughter with some hope, help and comfort. Maybe you could introduce her to Al-ateen and accompany her to meetings. Help give her the tools that her mother is unable to give her. Help give her the love and support that will allow her to grow into a healthy and compassionate adult.
Also, take care of yourself. Thank you for sharing, sending you love and support.
((((xoxo))))
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"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am for myself only, what am I? If not now, when?"
"Be happy for this moment, this moment is your life."
In my opinion, for what it's worth, yes, it is controlling. I know you have the best intentions, but you are trying to MAKE your daughter do something. All the asking and reminders in the world won't make her do something if she doesn't want to. I agree with Peachy-what you CAN do is be there for your granddaughter. It's too bad her mother won't do that, but that's the way it is and you can't change that.
I understand wanting what you want from your daughter, but the reality is, if she does it because she's backed in a corner and several people had to be orchestrated to achieve an outcome where all involved are dragged into one person's drama - nothing positive will come of that, even if the end result is that the granddaughter is contacted.
Deep breath, you can't change your daughter. As a mom myself I understand. I've had to accept that my middle son takes after his father in being very manipulative, cunning, decietful and obstinate. I spent several years fighting it, hoping because he was young, etc that I could influence it. Now I realize he enjoys that behavior, he's getting older, nearly 14 and while he has a really sweet caring side which I adore, the reality is he has a side that uses people. He will have to learn what that behavior brings him on his own. I have talks with him about my values and beliefs, but outside of giving him insight or "sharing" with him - I can't change him.
I can for myself not buy into his manipulation and charm. That is something I can control.
Does it feel like you need to hand it over, or does it feel right to get caught up in it?
From what I have read in your post I get the feeling that you are erring toward handing it over. Can you make your daughter change her behaviour?
I like what the others have said too. Being there for your Granddaughter, when her own mother isn't, is a great opportunity to help and to develop a fantastic support and relationship with your grand daughter.
