The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been in the program a few 24 hours and not a truer statement has ever been said. Sometimes I feel as though I just started this journey of self-discovery, and other times I feel as though I've been on it my whole life. To those new in the al-anon program you may not have heard this slogan before. To me, it means... I'm doing the best I can for Today. I don't have to beat myself up for not being as far along in my program as someone else that I perceive to be "getting it" better than me, nor do I need to compete.
This is a program where we work at our own pace and we DO NOT judge others at where they are in their journey, or "rate" them for perceived inadequacies. For ours is a flawed judgement at best, we do not know how any one person perceives things, or what they've been through, sometimes even they don't, sometimes only their Higher Power knows that.
Just my "thoughts for today".
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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
I have been thinking alot about this particular slogan because yesterday I did something really silly. I snooped through my husband's text messages. I don't know what possessed this. I am very proud of myself, though, for not beating myself up over this. I did discover something from my husband's past through my little trip down relapse lane. I discovered something that made me sad and I handled it with grace. I did not react. I spoke with compassion and addressed the issue of truthfulness so that our marriage's foundation can harden again. I don't know why I ended up snooping but what I discovered from it needed to be aired, I believe. Its like that saying that you hear what you're meant to hear when you're ready to hear it.. The thing I discovered was something sad, but not surprising, something I suspected but never was certain of. It is something I can get over, it won't destroy me or our relationship.. its just one of those lingering little white lies he was holding onto. anyway, about me... i am exactly where I am supposed to be..maybe in a year or two I would never even dream of snooping his text messages, but I'm here, in today. I can apologize for my mistake. I would not be happy if he was snooping through my phone. He understood why I did but that does not make it better. Next time I see his phone sitting there alone, I will pray for the strength to not flip it open. I did what I did, can't go back.. glad I found out what I did.. but it was not honest... time to move forward on my journey, letting go of the past and progressing..I will never be perfect. Thanks for the topic.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
I used to think that it was impossible to not judge others. But now, I find it quite easy. It is so freeing to employ this wisdom. I have so much more energy and time for other things now that I don't take inventory of others.
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
I tend to alternate between extremes. I'm used to operating on an all or nothing basis. I tend to be very hard and demanding on myself as well as on the addicts/alcoholics in my life. I've done a lot of beating up on myself for not being enough to get the outcome I desire. I've thought that if I only pushed harder and did more, I could somehow change things. If I couldn't be "perfect," If I couldn't make things "perfect" then I was going to kill myself in the attempt.
I'm so grateful for this program which is teaching me about my powerlessness while at the same time empowering me with a higher power that I can always turn to. I'm so grateful for all the lessons and messages that I am finding here.
I am finally allowing myself to breathe and am finally allowing others to just be - one second at a time, with love and compassion.
thank you, thank you, and thank you again!
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"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am for myself only, what am I? If not now, when?"
"Be happy for this moment, this moment is your life."
I think this is so true. There are so many layers to my people pleasing. Basically I didn't know how to interact with anyone without giving them something. I still of course am generous. I regularly give things to people but now its not in exchange for something I am secretly hoping for. I have goodwill to people but I also have limits. I don't give away my last shirt (which of course I did with the ex A).
Every day more is revealed and of course most of the time its pretty murky stuff.
