The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So after yet another confrontation about drinking last week, my AH made yet another declaration that he is going to "wean off alcohol and quit." I have said nothing to him about the subject, other than to say I support him, and that I know quitting must be very, very hard.
Not surprisingly, he is drinking way more than he says he is drinking. I'm not an idiot, and when our bedroom stinks of stale beer in the morning, it's because he has had more than "two beers." In the morning, it seems like there are always two empties in the trash can (right on top...I gave up digging in the trash counting empties a long time ago)--but they of course are the 16 ounce cans, not the 12 ounce cans. One morning I found two more empties in outside trash bin when I put the garbage out. Another morning If ound two more empties in his cooler when I was getting his empty tupperware to wash (lesson learned: no more opening the cooler. It disrupts my serenity.)
Of course I'm sad. Of course, I am not even remotely surprised. He is still so far from really admitting the severity of the problem, so far from getting medical help and/or going to AA.
I haven't said anything to him about finding the other empties and knowing he's drinking more than he says because of how our bedroom smells (honestly, over the past few years I have developed the ability to accurately estimate how many beers he's had within a can or too, based on how he smells, how he talks--I call it the "beer voice", and how he acts). I have no intention of saying anything. I know the truth, and he knows the truth. Bringing it up, making it my problem, making it my business, would accomplish nothing but raise tension in our home.
It is very likely that he will be traveling to our hometown this weekend (500 miles away) to interview prospective tenants for the house he still owns there. I spent about 7 seconds worried how much he would drink, then decided to just enjoy two solid days of relative peace with the kids. He will do whatever he wants. I'm going to enjoy my children, share happy memories of my mom with them, and get some spring cleaning done.
Good for you, Steph. I know how hard it is to mind my own business, too, but it will bring us peace in the long run and creates a great example for our kids. All we can do is pray for them, and then get on with our own lives. I hope you have a fabulous weekend. It's going to be 100 degrees here this weekend and my son wants to go in the pool, but it's not warm enough for me, LOL! I'm also hoping to get some spring cleaning done, as well.
((((Stephaniej))))...thanks for the reminder on "How Al-Anon Works". I was also led to MYOB in the detachment lessons....hard very hard and then one day with lots of practice; I "got it" and had lots of time to have fun in my life also. It's a disease...progressive and life threatening. At times its a game of guilt and shame and you can let him play it and do anything else. Rocket Science Al-Anon.
Simple solutions...get a can of spray scent for the bedroom...the scent that you want...something that's good aroma therapy.
stephaniej, Good for you! I like that part about no more opening the cooler because it disturbs your serenity. I quit snooping and looking for bottles ages and ages ago. Yet i still get a jolt when I'm looking for something in the storage shed and find a pile of empty bottles, or working in the garden and find an empty bottle under a bush. But I've gotten way better at putting it out of my mind and telling myself it's not my business. It sounds like you are too. You're right, he will or will not drink on his trip this weekend. Nothing you can do about it. So enjoy your weekend to yourself, and your kids, and do what you want to do!
It's a fine line to walk and you are working your program!! You go girlfriend!! Making those memories are far more important than spending time worrying about things that can't be controlled.
Thinking of you!!
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Stephanie, your AH and mine sound so alike! The "tapering off" the 16 oz cans instead of the 12 etc. etc. I actually lol'ed when I read your comment about the "beer voice" and knowing exactly how much he has drank by how he talks, not because it's funny, but because it sounds soooo familiar. I'm in the same place as far as just not making it my business anymore. I can't do it anymore and don't want to.
Thank you for sharing. I hope you had a good weekend with your kids.
