Having trouble believing it's not personal - Al-Anon Family Group

cath111 · Newbie

Having trouble believing it's not personal

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

For me I think you're missing a meeting and the literature from our program...Am I wrong? I've been wrong before and its no biggee and I've also had those events where I moved her out or moved out myself because I couldn't take anymore and then missed taking more. The first time I heard the 2nd step of our 12 step program I knew I needed to sit down, sit still, listen, learn and practice, practice, practice.

Step 2...Came to believe that a Power Greater than ourselves would lead us to S A N I T Y.

Welcome to the MIP board and congradulations on your first steps in saying STOP!! enough already.

More members of this fellowship will be offering you their Experiences, Strength and Hope. Keep coming back. ((((hugs)))) smile

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP! I hope you can dive into working your recovery program and find local face to face meetings and get to as many as you can. Reading "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews and the daily readers was helpful for me. I am sending you love and support on your journey!

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Many people with this disease are not real nice to others. The way he treats you he would treat anyone. Its not directed at you.

As far as your pain, of course it hurts you! Does not matter if it is personal or not, it still hurts!

You did nothing to deserve this treatment, its more a reflection of how he feels inside.

sending hugs,debilyn

Tracy · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi and welcome,
this has been and still is one of the hardest parts for me to work.

I kept expecting my ex bf to behave rationally, kind;ly like he loved me not just when actively drinking but sober. When he never I would get uspet feel unloved.
I think this was because sometimes he did and seemed so normal this disease is so very confusing. I would be hurt then as jerry says I would go to a meting or read literature and remember he was ill. thenm I would sometimes guilty. Today however I realsie he is sick ( mentally ill). he can get better but that is up to him not me, Today i try and remember he is ill its like he has a split persoanlity you never know what you are going to get. Today I realise that I have to protect myself from the disease side of his personality this is not him, it is not personal.

He txt me yesterday to apologised because I had to ring the ;police on him about ten days ago. Thankfully I remembered this time he is ill. I did not say oh its o.k, but I did answer with compassion. I said I know you are sick take care x. I think this statement says I know you do not mean it are ill but I will not accept unacceptable behaviour. I did not say you are sick and need to go back to AA i gave not advice I just said I know he is ill and left it for him to sort out. I on the other hand have been attending extra meetings to keep me in the reality of the situation, I am working the steps in a group looking for a spomnsor and I feel good. I am keeping my side of the street clean, as I only have control over me. It is up to him if he wants to get control over his illness or continue to suffer.

take what you like hugs tracy x

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

You aren't missing anything .. it's not about you. Going to meetings, talking to other people, seeing and listening to other people's experiences have taught me it was nothing that I lacked for the A in my life. It def was something I lacked inside myself, self esteem that I was looking at something outside of myself to fill the hole inside of me. Now the gift I was given is the ability to heal from the inside out that is so cool and it also means that I can be more open and honest if I decide I want to get into another relationship. Right now I'm into being open, honest and willing with me.

Hugs P :)

Peachy219 · Veteran Member

I know how you feel. I just left my b/f a week ago when I decided I could no longer live with the lies, fighting, and insanity. I've been trying not to keep asking myself why. I've been trying to let him go with compassion. I've been trying to take it easy on myself. I know it feels like there's something wrong with us that made these people whom we loved and trusted treat us so very poorly. But as others have said; it is his disease and it is something no one has any control over.

I'm trying to stop expecting him to give me the love and feeling of self worth that only I can give myself. I am struggling too. But know that you are not alone. Stay strong and LOVE YOURSELF! YOU ARE WORTH IT!!

Thank you for sharing

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.