The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've recently (after 3 long years) decided to separate from my husband for 3 months. This has been a decision that is not at all easy to come to for me. I'm a SHM to 2 small kids with 5 pets. Completly financially dependent on my husband for the most part. In any case, after so many years of trying to keep my family "looking" normal to everyone, keeping up all the appearances (you all know what I'm talking about), it feels soooo freeing to come clean to so many people in my life about what is really going on in my home. Because I am leaving for 3 months I've kind of been forced to have to tell some people in my life about what is going on. I simply don't feel comfortable telling certain people "Well I'm just going away for 90 days." They would think I've lost my mind. I'm even trying to arrange care for our animals in our home so that way I have no worries while gone and my AH can not manipulate me with care of our pets even. People have been so kind and understanding. I must say I feel so blessed by all of the concern and understanding that has been given to me and my girls. All of these I've fought so hard to keep things together, not to let people know what is really going on in my home. Hiding this shameful secret that I'm just beginning to learn isn't in MY control nor can I try any longer exhausting myself with what everyone thinks of my AH. That is on HIM. Not me. I'm doing my best and that's all I can do. Just wanted to share this. I feel so grateful for the awesome people that I'm blessed to know who really do care and love my family but I never allowed myself to get close to them out of fear.
LFM, I used to lie for my A and try to cover up for him. I remember the day when I just couldn't do it anymore. We had plans with friends that day but he was drunk at 10:00 am. I called our friends and told them that we wouldn't be there because my A was drunk. I would have liked to go by myself but had no transportation to get there that day. It was such a load off my shoulders to tell the truth and quit covering up, keeping the secret. Which I found out was really not a secret anyway. My A's drinking was common knowledge to many people. It's his choice, and his problem...not mine. I now focus on myself and do what's best for me. I'm glad that you're able to get away for a few months, and glad that you have people to comfort and support you. Thanks for sharing, please keep us posted on how you're doing.
I so understand. My exh acted like a dry drunk, his behaviors were awful. I lied about our life all the time. Once I got out and told the truth, such a weight was lifted. When I met my bf and found out he was in AA and recovering, I promised myself I would not lie about it. Thankfully he's at a place where he prefers the honesty. But I sure understand. I hope this step really gives you peace and serenity.
Yeah I can relate when I finally decided to stop wasting so much energy making things seem perfect and normal, I found the strength and energy to take better care of me and my girls! Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
