I need a new job, house and attitude! - Al-Anon Family Group

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I need a new job, house and attitude!

living for me · Member

I so understand about not wanting to let go of your dog. I can honestly say that my animals are in my top three reasons of staying in this whole crazy situation as long as I have. It's tough... Sending thoughts and prayers to you. Take it one day at a time. Somehow everything has a way of working out.

pineapple · ~*Service Worker*~

(((BF))) I too understand about your dog. My animals are so precious to me, I can (and have) give(n) up a lot of things, but not my pets. I'm so sorry you're in such a difficult situation right now. No ESH to share, but sending lots of positive thoughts and support. Leave it in HP's hands. And remember to breathe!

nmike · ~*Service Worker*~

I like your name - Breakingfree. I think that is what I need to do. I am not sure what your story is. My AHsober left our marriage seven years ago. Maybe he never was into the marriage. He left but I was left to do the explaining. We work for the same company only in different small towns. Small towns aren't the best places for protecting your privacy. But for me unhooking from his disease and my disease has been a long process. Our sons are grown so that isn't an issue. I didn't want to do a geographical like he did.

So I too need a new job, new house, and new attitude. I have applied many, many times with no luck. There is a new posting for a job that was written for me. I feel confident and hope to at least have an interview. My Plan B is that if I don't get the job, I will leave my present job next year. I have been putting away money in my savings. A house - at my age, an RV or trailer will do. For my attitude, it is better. I realize that this is a sick way for me to live. I need to put alot of distance between me and my ex.

I will probably move in with my 90 year old mother. I will move from a beautiful rural area to a city (after 24 years). I will leave many friends and recovery friends and daily activities. I can take my dog (she has to stay outside) but not my cat (mom doesn't like cats or dogs). It is like starting over. Wow, scarey but much more healthy than the way I am living now.

It sounds like you are on the right track. Good luck and all the best.

Nancy

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi BK,

First, recognize it is just a "mood" and not reality. The mood is probably caused by allowing your old habitual patterns of negative thinking (waiting for the other shoe to drop).

When I catch myself going down that dark, gloomy road, I select from a number of behaviors that help stop that train of thoughts that cause feelings of despair and doubt.

Just to name a few:

I consciously just start naming all the objects that are surrounding me. It sounds so boring, but it does stop the thinking.

Another thing I do is to focus on my breathing and just sit with the uncomfortable feeling, sort of observing it and not allowing it to engulf me.

Gratitude lists are great, as you know.

Hotrod suggests listing your assets. (haven't tried that one, but will)

Exercising is great too.

Experiment. Have a number of things you can do to untangle yourself from the negative thought pattern. I find it gets easier and easier with practice.

And too, when I feel anxiety coming on, I ask myself what I'm thinking and begin to investigate my thoughts to see if they are really true. Challenge them.

Your future has so many possiblities. Stay as much in the now as you can. Trust your HP. Your HP knows what you need. The less busy you are in your mind, the more HP can get through (this is what is true for me).

Just a few things off the top of my head.

take good care of you and your precious girls!

Wolfie55 · Senior Member

thanks for sharing

Jackie11 · ~*Service Worker*~

Do you have friends who have friends in the area where you are moving? Perhaps you can make some connections before you move so that it won't be quite so unknown? Big changes can be overwhelming!

Sending you lots of love and support!

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs BF,

Trust yourself and trust your HP. Feelings aren't facts and I've done a lot of crazy stuff that always seems to work itself out. You aren't moving today .. so just keep on keeping on.

Hugs P :)

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

Yes. I've had to downgrade my lifestyle more than a few times. These life adjustments are never easy. It sounds like you're doing a good job of prioritizing.

For me, coordinating moves and finding work usually happens in HP's time. I do as much preparation, reaching out, and keeping myself open as possible. I struggle to hand things to and to trust my HP, but ultimately, this is what works best for me. Changes do come into my life, not necessarily how or when I thought they would, but they do come, and, the important thing is, even though I have little, if any, control over the outcome- I'm ok.

I find I need to be consistently aware of making time to meet people and for creating inner serenity. I look for local things/ groups that I think I might enjoy (even a little) and just go. I take long hikes whenever possible, practice yoga, and joined a golf league (I'm learning how to play.) When things are not happening quickly enough for me, I'll go to a park or library just to be out and around people. I'd like to have more, but, for me it's a start.

I hope this helps. Wishing you all the best.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

It sounds very scary and overwhelming, but your approach to recovery is the same as mine was. I changed everything. I ended the relationship, moved out on my own, quit smoking, quit drinking, lost 70 pounds, got a new job.... I did all those things in less than a year. I was scared sometimes. I cried to my sponsor but I just didn't look backwards.

One saying in recovery is "What needs to change in order to recover?" "Everything." On the other hand they tell you not to make major changes for a year also. Confusing. Only sharing that I completely redefined myself like you are talking about and it has been a freakin' miracle LOL.

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

It has been a year since I started Al-anon and a year and a half since I left my exAH, our divorce was final in July. I waited to get through my first year and the 12 steps which I am on 12 now with my sponsor. She thinks it is a great and natural progression for me and my girls. I just tend to freak out by change and this is lots of them coming at me at once and I just want some knowns. I have contacted many people with friends in the next bigger town over that I plan to move to and gotten one referral for a place. I am just trying to set up as much as I can as soon as I can. I live in a very small town and every one keeps asking when I am leaving what job I am going to do and where am I going to live. I get stressed out that perhaps I should have this stuff set up by now, but it seems every job or house I look into wants someone before June 15. I believe God helps those that look for his guidance and acts on it and that is what I am trying to do. I have spent time with my HP and this is what I felt led to do. Now I need the courage and patience to carry it out in his timing! I will recite my favorite slogans and the full serenity prayer a few times and let it go for today!
Thanks for all teh ESH!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.